15 And Proud

My oldest daughter turned 15, middle of the teens, halfway to 20's, center of teen universe, this weekend.

For the mathematicians, I am 34, turning 35 in May, which equates to: I was a statistic on the books of teenage pregnancy for my generation. Although, at the time I didn't quite understand that because I was old enough to vote, live on my own, done with school, but nineteen (and unmarried, which instantly made me a no good tramp in the eye's of goodie two shoes) lumped me in with the shaking of the head, sympathy for my unborn child and general bad looks, plus the cool check mark in the teen pregnancy books. After I had her I couldn't wait, and I mean counting the days-2 1/2 months worth, until I was a respectable 20 year old and I could wear my Mommyhood proudly.

If I had listened to public opinion, my daughter should be a promiscuous, struggling, no good human being and a blimp on her generation destined to fail and be a burden. She was born to a Mother who was a teen, unmarried, just a high school degree, penniless broke, who gasp, used state aid for exactly 8 months to monetarily survive. I'm happy to say, I proved them all wrong, wrong, dead wrong.

I admit for 12 years I dreaded, had nightmares, worried and hated the notion of her turning into a walking zombie of teenage hormones, tyrannical potential and the hateful possibilities every parent can conjure in the mind. I assumed, based on perception that was just the way it would work, urban legends dictated my imagination!

For reason only a parent can understand, I had this vision that the day she turned 13 all my good parenting would sink into oblivion, I would witness an exorcist movie type phenomenon and she would turn into a version of the daughter I once knew. When she turned 13 I braced, but she didn't morph, spit green vomit and her head stayed on straight. When she turned 14, I held my breath, but every day she was the same sweet daughter I had raised, no out of this universe demon voices came from her mouth and I never needed to tie her to the bed. Now that she has turned 15 I feel good, I feel proud, I am no longer afraid.

I've realized circumstance does not dictate a destiny. Situation does not direct an outcome and predictions only happen if you believe in them. I should know, all the cards of presumption were stacked against little Shelby and I the day she was born. I know much of the world believes most children being raised today are no-good, ungrateful little shits who will eventually burden society. I'm here to say I despise that ignorant assumption. To say that insults me, my daughters, and the other parents who work very hard at raising good decent children.

The fact is, doesn't every older generation say that about the generation coming up through the ranks?? People thought the world was going down the toilet with my generation (80's teen), and according to my Mother, her elders were frantic watching her generation going through the 60's, those crazy hippie kids. I have no doubt that same mentality goes down and down through history. Generations change, people change, dynamics are constantly shifting.

I can look today and find awful teens, I can also find horrible people in their 20's, embarrassing to my generation 30 year olds, despicable people in their 40's and burdens to society folks in their 50's and so on. Age draws no lines in the fact some people are good and some people are bad. Thats why I refuse to tell my daughter, and her peers, that they are bad, awful and a disappointment to society-based on public assumption.

Aren't we supposed to believe in the children? Aren't children what make the world go 'round? No one would take an individual child and tell them point blank they are nothing but a liability to our future, so why generalize the lot of them by saying it in newspapers, coffee chats, gossip on the phone and so on? Why perpetuate such a negative assumption? If a child is out of control, the fault lays squarely on the parent who raised them. Even then, there are exceptions, good parents who's children take mis-steps! If a parent is lazy and doesn't care about their child, there is a good chance that child will struggle and become the statistic that forms public opinion. However, for every struggling teen I've come across, I can praise 10 more for being good kids and I think thats what people should focus on.

To talk to Shelby and her friends, I can tell you, nothing pisses them off more then hearing they are lumped in with a few strays. They are proud of their achievements, they work hard at their activities, school and various other causes they have taken on to help the world. To listen to her and the others, I puff up in admiration,laugh at my old fears and feel very good about the future. Very Good Indeed. This year I am excited to see what my daughter accomplishes and I have no doubt our foundation, the one we created together from the day she was born, will hold steady and firm. And to the people, society, who said when Shelby was born we were both destined to be a burden, well, you know exactly where you can stick that opinion :o)

Happy 15th Birthday Shelby
You amaze me today, as much as the day you were born.