Paint It B.S.

On Thursday evening, I officially lost my temper in front of my daughters.
The three of us had curled up on my big old bed for some 'read in' time. Each of us were snuggled under my comforter, all holding our current novels in hot reading hands. It was silent except for the few times I reminded Kaitlyn to stop wiggling so much.

Shelby was reading The Butterfly House, by Marcia Preston.
Kaitlyn was firmly engrossed in Eragon, by Christopher Paolini
And I was reading a book I had waited six long years for-Paint it Black by Janet Finch.

Six years is a long time to wait out one Author in my humble opinion (thank the Book Gods J. K.  Rowling does better turn around time then that) , but I adored, loved and cherished her book White Oleander, so I surmised if the woman needed ten years, I could refrain from picketing her home and wait it out with her. They even threw in a movie during that time to abate me, so I was dealing with it.

I got the book, Paint it Black, for Christmas. As far as I was concerned, Christmas was over the moment I opened my new book and if I had a choice in the matter I would have locked myself in a room and got down to business right away. I refrained. But the next day, I got to it, or tried anyway. Painful comes to mind. Slow comes to mind. Metaphor nightmares of the eucalyptus nature bubble to the surface. Offensive blahs float within my opinion. Depressing with no signs of life after 200 pages......etc etc etc.....

Every single boring/depressing/over written page sent me into a tailspin of monumental disappointment. From Christmas until this last Thursday night I labored, I forced, I encouraged myself to continue in the pursuit it would suddenly morph into the Janet Finch writing I once loved. Hell, I would have settled for just a decent story to entertain me.

It didn't. I threw a tantrum. 

Although it would make me sound like a lunatic I would like to embellish and say: I fell to the floor on my knees, clutching the sinfully bad book to my chest. Tears were streaming down my face, and I raised one hand to the Gods of Books yelling "Whyyyyyyyy, why have you forsaken me Author?? Whyyy??" 

Honestly though, I threw Paint it Black across my room and it smacked the wall. My daughters witnessed, for the first time ever, me throwing something in anger. They looked up instantly from the fun little worlds they were participating in and stared at me in awe.

Kaitlyn implied a million questions in one word, "Mom?"
I folded my arms across my chest in a pissed off stance, "Realllyyy reallyyy bad book."

They both nodded in what appeared to be mutual understanding.

Shelby, always the compassionate one, touched my arm and said, "You can read along with me Mom."

Which I did, all the while trying not to glance at the offending book laying dead on the floor. Thoughts of torching it in the fireplace danced through my mind. Ripping it to shreds and sending it to Janet Finch came across my mind. Flinging it out in the snow to freeze to death sounded appealing. I made it to page 206 out of 387 and I won't even bother reading the last chapter..............

Hands down, the biggest book disappointment I have ever experienced.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Twilight Side Of The Matter.

On Friday, the girls packed up for the first real weekend with their Father in two months. When they were walking out the door, Shelby hugged me and said, "Mom, I left you something on my bed. Trust me."

On her bed was a note and a book. The note said, -Mom, trust me, it's a really good book, read it while we are gone, you won't be able to put it down, Love Shelby. -

The Book-Twilight by Stephanie Meyer.
Young Adult/vampire/love story
398 pages. Finished early Saturday morning. (no sleep)

Simple, sweet, fluid writing with a good dose of suspense and fun. I adored it. The last sentence had me thirsting like one of the vampires for more more more. I called Shelby and first praised her, thanked her and then begged for the second book. I needed to keep reading and I LOVED knowing there was a second book.

To my personal horror she informed me one of her friends had the second book, New Moon. The good news was I didn't have to wait six years for a follow up, the additional good news -I didn't wait for the friend. I drove like a psycho woman to Hastings and claimed my own copy. I'm at page 138 in this second book and I'm still enjoying the heck out of the story and the writing! Shelby has also informed me the third book comes out in Aug. I can embrace that~~

Eat your heart out Janet Finch.

Does anyone want my Paint it Black, Janet Finch book???
Anyone?? Hardcover, free, I'll even pay postage.
Say the word and it's YOURS for your personal reading torture.

*****After two comments and one email, I've realized I've gone about getting rid of that book all wrong. Let me try this.

Unforgettable book up for grabs: Travel into the world of bad 80's hairstyles and clothing. Get a taste of the vile under belly of LA's seediest shitholes the 1980s produced. Enjoy the emotional ride of one mans suicide as it plays out between one coke sniffing, pot smoking, pill popping, alcoholic girlfriend and his snobby, over done, piano playing freak of a Mother. Lots of passing out, and puking for your reading enjoyment, enhanced by eucalyptus trees every 3 or 4 pages. It's all mixed just right to highlight the most memorable, forgettable moments in book history.........

You'll love to hate it.

Trust me.