Straw, Icing, and the Final Button

I've had 12 days in the wilderness to contemplate what I would like to write when I got back into civilization. I've gone from highly agitated, irrationally irritated and good old fashion confusion.

I've looked at the top of my journal, I've glanced at the bottom, and studied the sides. I've checked the dusty corners and rattled the squeaky headlines/entries for clues that would explain the recent happenings in my journal. I can only go back to the first question I had in my mind. A simple question really.

A one word-er
~~~W H Y~~~~

WHY 
or what motivates people
both currently and in the past
to feel the need to comment, email and generally rain on my parade by pointing out things or mistakes they don't like about or in my writing?
WHY
being the mystified question
in my mind
~

Now, I believe, and I could be wrong, that I've taken the mature position by addressing all concerns, complaints, and unneeded suggestions personally via the email system. To which I believe the majority of it was smoothed out nicely and I hope this entry doesn't crumble the progress that was already achieved with those specific people.

Howevery, evidently that direction isn't working, because I keep getting the same invasive, unsolicited sideswipes about design, not content. <Did a group get together and decide it's pick on Rebecca's writing techniques for a while or is it all coincidence of interesting timing??>

SOoooooo............heres the deal. An explanation of my journal writing. In depth, down and dirty.

This space is unedited, typically UN-thought, sporadic and a simple corridor for the stream of conscious thoughts I have running untamed through my mind. I sit down and I write, I don't use backspace nor the delete button. I do NOT go back and reread what I've written. I always resist the urge to look back over my shoulder at my writing here because I KNOW myself and I would instantly start to edit/delete myself, my words, my writing and my thoughts.

I do not care about any of the following on the pages of this journal, and yes, I realize that because of this, I may not shine my writing in the best light, but here goes...... Spelling, grammar, sentence length, word definition, correct placement of ,.?! :;" ' , nouns, adjectives, dialogue, sentences that make sense or don't, and I certainly don't use any type of journal format.

I would like to think that in this space, if I would like my words to go on and on like a Virginia Woolf sentence, and use 20 commas, and write 10 metaphors and (and put in parenthesis anything I feel like)  before I take a breath and end it with a period, I can do that because why in the world would anyone care enough to point it out as an issue and actually suggest I change MY writing because it's difficult on them, instead of that person just accepting my writing is my space and keep their displeasure to themselves, it is that type of WHY that I cannot grasp..............breath now.................(I can even use 40 periods for emphasis if I should feel the need)

I'm not a confrontational person, so I already know I'm going to hate this entry the moment I post it. Then again, I'm also not a person that ever willingly, knowingly, and intentionally <how's that for some pretty adjectives?> sets out to hurts a person feelings or tosses jabs on a whim. So when people do it to me, or others, I'm always left mouth agape and scratching my mind for answers and reasons.

Even now I'm worried about the very people who have sideswiped me over the last year with negative emails, concerns, suggestions and comments about my writing. Thoughts like, "Will they be hurt that I did an entry like this?" or "Will I piss off someone by my blanket outcry for no more sideswipes."  Specifically, because it really isn't one person, or one comment thats finally done me in. It's an accumulation of unwarranted smacks that has me finally calling out that the straw finally broke my back, the icing is dripping from my cake and my last button was finally pushed.

My writing here is not perfect. I have never claimed it was.
My writing here is not scripted. I have never claimed it was.
My writing here shows warts and scars and dents and dings because it's my free zone.
My writing here is what it is, anything that happens to flow from my mind to my fingers.
My writing here has no agenda, no flow, no direction and should be devoid of expectation, obligation and guidelines.

On the flip side, the writing on my book is painfully slow and I take great care in the perfection of each and every single little word. Then I place it in the hands of trusted individuals with red pens and ruthless critique practices to butcher it all over again. In that arena, I am ready for critique, I am ready for the red pen, I am ready to be ripped to shreds so I can put it all back together again.

I am not prepared for, nor do I desire, critique on these pages. I am perfectly capable of doing that myself should I choose to do so. I don't think it is necessary. I do not believe it is needed. I have never asked for it and I shouldn't have to worry about it. What irritates me the most about this entry is the fact that I've received far more praise and encouragement from the people who have passed by then the negatives. I shouldn't even give these sideswipes a second thought, but like a burr stuck in my sock I need to eradicate it somehow.  

I have been gone from home, life, and online journals for a long time. I've traveled far and wide for the last 8 months and hibernation is calling my name. I've had many new visitors I need to welcome and in turn visit their journals and I look forward to that. I've neglected my correspondence and visiting the journals of old friends, and I assure you I'll be back to my comment spamming very soon.

All I ask is when a person visits my personal journal, they take it for what it is. Nothing but words from a little lady sitting in her office in Idaho. When the desire plops itself in my writing lap I would like the freedom and clear mind of not worrying about if my sentences are perfect, without flaw and ready for publication.

This entry is to the point and if I offend anyone I apologize. I wrote an entry along these same lines, only nicer and more passive over a year ago, perhaps a refresher is due.........Concrete

It should be quite clear now, my purpose, or nonpurpose of this journal.
I write the good, the bad and the ugly and I'm fine with it~~

It's all Good