'There is nothing worse for mortals, than a wandering life' Its the way of it. A wandering life.......
~Homer~
I think the most difficult part about wandering, is not the unknown, but rather the distinctive trail one leaves behind. When I take temporary pause in this atmosphere I call my life, I feel overcome with a nausea that brings me to humble knees. Hello ground.
The clicking of watchtowers, a dime spinning on the ground. My metallic moments in motion are all mine, all my justifiable harboring of the heart. When and why I gave myself such carte blanche in life is beyond my current scope of understanding. Life, shouldn't function as sort. Love certainly doesn't, and reality never plays by those rules.
Habit. Human nature. Creatures of the known and predictable. Brilliant tail chasing and sorrowful wound licking. Such a divine cycle, I can only scoff at myself and descend right back to where I started. Perhaps lessons are learned. Maybe even a slice of wisdom collected here and there. Although........I still haven't found what I'm searching for...............
Whether it's the illusion of contentment, or the comfort of balance, or simply a sense of complete and utter freedom, I know I've only grazed what I seek. I've experienced moments of clarity, smooth cool ice beneath my touch, but it always cracks open to reveal a precarious liquid uncertainty. Clarity, like ice, is transparent and unpredictable.
When I wrap it all up in my vigil of life, I'm disappointed by what little progress I've achieved. John Burroughs said "The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are." Yet, I look around and have to honestly ask myself who the hell I am, what the hell am I doing, and where the hell am I going. Because this, my right here and right now, doesn't reflect what my mind and body ache for.
I know I am more then this. I know I can achieve more then this. I have no doubt I can reach there. Being satisfied with mundane has never been my nature. Being content with ordinary was never really an option. Embracing so-so and mediocrity makes me feel crazy and trapped. Cause and effect. My mentality warrants my discontent. My desires strap me with restlessness. My choices constantly backlash me with the consequences.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Purge of Thought
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13 comments:
Your last paragraph is me, all the way... feeling trapped in the realization that you've just been "settling" all these years is unnerving. It's also hard to face the music and do something about it. Thought provoking entry, Rebecca... glad to read your words ~ I've missed ya! MIchelle
So what does your mind and body ache for? And how will you get it.
My spirit was never quieted till I found what I was searching for...
and I did not find what I was searching for until I was able to put a name to that which I was craving; to the emptiness within. You are one awesome writer. I would love to be able to express myself as eloquently as you do.
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HOPEFORTODAY
http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK
WOW!!!!
Deb
Just know that when you are not trying to find that inner peace is when you will most likely stumble upon it... I hope you find what it is that you want to complete you...
Aside from car keys, there's really not much point in finding what you're looking for. After all, once you find it, then what? I think it's the surprises you find along the way is what makes life worth living, and much of what I've found, I never realized that I was looking for it.
Of course, this is coming from someone who, during moments of intense ennui, will open a junk drawer for no good reason and find himself fascinated by the myriad of small, shiny objects inside.
-Dan
http://journals.aol.com/dpoem/TheWisdomofaDistractedMind/
wonderfully written!
I have a Tshirt that says..."Not all who wander are lost"
I love it, it is from the Life is Good collection...ever see them? They are on the net as well! Great company, they do positive and self esteem strengthening talks with Jr high students(actually all kids) we are trying to get them to come to our work site and do an inservice for staff...
Anywho..Thank you for the email, and yes I agree. Thank you! Glad to "see" you..
Whatever it is that you are trying to reach for, I am sure you can grab it.
I guess if we were always happy or always felt complete...we would not strive for more...or grow...I have tried to figure this one out myself...Hugs,TerryANn
Gosh. I think you think deeper than I have ever thought to think! ;o) I take comfort in knowing I am a child of the King. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And I am bound for completion in Heaven. - Barbara
Wow - another wonderful entry, and something I can relate too. I've been feeling just like this, although unable to put it into words as eloquently as you have. My HS reunion is coming up soon. I guess this is part of it. Been doing a lot of looking back and wondering what the heck I've been doing all this time.
::GRRRR:: [AOL loves to drop connection at the worst times]
Trying again.... U2 said it best in 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For'; a song that can be applied to nearly all aspects of life where unrest and lack of fulfillness is present. I find I am in the similar state of discord these days. Here's to more days of clarity in the near future. :)
Tammy
http://lifeliveitormissout.blogspot.com
'There is nothing worse for mortals, than a wandering life'
~Homer~
Oh I think I'd have to disagree with Homer here. It is those that wander, that refuse to settle, those are the ones with the most fascinating lives. Why settle for anything but the best? It's YOUR life, you only get to live it once. In the end, your trail may not be perfect, but it will be beautiful and awesome.
Ari
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