Dynamics

This morning as I took my youngest daughter to school she proclaimed a difference that has stuck in my mind during the course of the afternoon. It went alittle something like this.

       "Momma, isn't it strange that your the Mom and you take me flyfishing and camping, and my dad is the one that makes me go to the mall and shopping when I see him a couple of times a month?"

       To which I said, "Well, I'm not so sure it's strange that I flyfish and take you, but I understand that usually it's the guys that do the things I do, and usually the girls that do the shopping.I don't mind shopping, but I love to be in the outdoors, especially with you kiddo"

     All I will say to that difference is, when I was married to their Father, I would have had to drag him into the Mall kicking and screaming. But alas, the power of another woman has overshadowed all previous fears their Father may have had and now he is as close to a Mall rat as most teeny poppers. All hail his youngster girlfriend, the female power of persuasion is strong with that one...........

       When I flyfish, I become someone entirely different. A wave of peace comes to the space around me and I am simply one. One with nature and one with myself. It's the one place I have found perfection in the world, a scene that could never be captured by camera or words.

       It is this peace that I've tried my damnedest to show my daughters. Family time watching TV, does nothing for me. Family time going out to a movie seems like a farce veiled behind good intention. Family time at any commercialized establishment always seems to be overshadowed by distractions.

       There are far to many distractions in this world and I've personally found the only way to escape them is going as far from cost incurring events as possible. Electronic devices be damned, paid events be gone, stationary entertainment is for late nights, and winter months.

       Of course, growing up poor, in the Idaho Mountains with parents that were outdoors enthusiasts is probably the main reason I enjoy my solitude in the outdoors as much as I do. We didn't have money for waterparks and gameworlds, it was all about, "Get your butt outside for the day and entertain yourself Rebecca" I wonder if things had been different, if I had grown up a city girl, without ever touching the rugged terrain of a river or mountain, what I would have established as my comfort activities.

       Comfort activities, we all have them. I wonder how mine differ from other people. When not in the outdoors I write of course, and read voraciously and rarely watch TV. I love to garden in the summer and during the winter months I pace like a caged bear. Spring fever is heighten like no other feeling right now. I've taken my pacing to the outdoors, checking for signs of life and soul inspiring green leaves around my yard and neighborhood.

       My daughter remarked upon something much deeper then I believe she even realizes. If there is one gift I can give her, it's appreciation for what cannot be bought. It's gratitude for something that is always available if one is willing to open a door and walk outside. I have such high hopes for my girls, that they will take from me that one thing, a love for the outdoors that will accompany them throughout life. It's the gift my Father bestowed upon me, and it's a gift I hope with all my heart I have given my daughters.

       I gladly give my Ex-husband the title of Mall rat, and just the opposite I'll keep my title of Outdoor rat. We'll see which gift of life my daughters treasure more in the long run. If I were a nicer person, perhaps I'd even mention that to my X, but for now, I'll keep my female persuasions focused on my daughters~

Oh all right, yes, I'm frustrated with the Father Figure and that makes for a slightly cynical state of mind. I just wish, I could show the man what a difference, what an influence he could, or should, or has the opportunity to do with his own daughters.

I have never understood the parent that falls to the wayside when it comes to their own children. That concept seems so, cowardly and as time continues to go by, I'm astounded that my own X is becoming the very type of parent I never understood.

 The how is the question that strikes me a bit like the question of 'is the universe really unending?' How does a parent walk away from their own children? How does a parent choose a boyfriend or girlfriend over their own children? This question is one I now have found I must face. Ironically, my daughters Father figure has choosen life of hickies on his neck and Malls over spending time with his daughters.

I do not understand the dynamics of this how.

But I do understand how I've planted a seed of comfort in my daughters and as life takes them through the streets of choice, they can always find comfort just outside the door.