Adieu of Nothing

              I have a thought process sans anything intelligent right now. I normally assign such pause in life as the calm before a potential storms in Rebecca's corridors. While I was driving today, pausing at a stop light waiting for the green proceed light, I realized how detached I've become lately. To which my next mind thought was detached is one emotional moment from self implosion. Sometimes it's unenjoyable to be connected to this brain of word linking and self righteous shrink inspired moments.

       Although, I've never seen a shrink. I've thought about it, but I'm afraid if I ever actually sat down with one, my mind would take it as a dynamic challenge and I'd be paying to pick the brain of my shrink. I can envision it now. We sit eye to eye, one mind against the other. Me toying with the person to see just how much they could actually pry out of my mind and just the opposite, my brain trying to pry as much as I could from them without them realizing it.

       Then again, maybe I give myself to much credit here and a shrink has a better angle I haven't seen yet. Could be worth a few bucks just to see what would happen. If anything, I could get a decent journal entry from my experiment of human mind pitted against another human mind on a mission. Damn, I haven't even made an appointment and I've already set a stubborn tone. A shrink would probably turn me away for wrong/bad attitude. To self shrink that would be to say I have issues of privacy and my mind thinks it's just fine without anyone toying with it. Scary ehh.

       I wrote down today on a scrap piece of paper as I was doodling during a business meeting, that I am a recluse cleverly disguised as a Mother, Friend, Daughter, and business associate. Thus the detached inspired mention above. I really do think, given the right conditions I could be one of those sane, yet thought of as crazy ladies who lives as a hermit.

       I can envision it now, a simple shack, trade in the BMW for a sweet little 1970 Bronco without a top, living off the land somewhere in the back woods surrounded by tree's, nosey chipmunks and plenty of sunshine. Maybe I was just born in a wrong era. Me and Emily Dickinson could have been great friends, provided we both could have gotten over our reclusiveness long enough to chat.

       I think part of my current problem is a crash of too many thoughts/emotions. From missing someone so much it crushes me inside and out, day in and day out. To thoroughly not enjoying certain area's of my life, on to needing more minutes in a day, to worrying about children, family, friends. I suppose some could classify that as stress, but I've really never been one to assign such words to my world, to excusable, so I just call it crashing of the eclectic mentality.

       And this entry represents me, posting something of complete irrelevance just to get out of my writers block mentality, I have deleted far too many entries over the last 3 days.

 Much adieu about nothing.......