Red Rain

Today~Yesterday~Tomorrow

       Sometimes I feel like a butterfly thats been captured in an old rusty coffee can. A few holes punctuated for merciful air, but thats about as far as that comfortably is extended.

       Today, I turn the thoughts of relief versus remorse like the pages of a book. Back and forth they pass before me, behind me, inside me and around me. When I twist those two thoughts around my little finger I am left holding something resembling guilt.

       Over the last month I've had to accept something that happened, struggle with the internal revolt about the turn of events, rebel against all it's implications, feel sorry for myself, change lifestyle, spend money, shock family and friends, all leading up to an abrupt ending just as I was getting used to the idea. Crimson results for a lack of acceptance. Thats the way of it.

The End.

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              The western winds blew in last night, moving my windchimes just enough for me to smile by their melody. I walked around my yard this morning, and was amazed to discover small signs of life returning to the barren canvas of winter. Tulips have started their assent above ground, my Irises have stretched far beyond the borders of dirt and I wonder if they will again bloom early this year.

       The eternal spring swelled up within my soul, rebirth, fresh and delicious to the senses. I found a glimmer of peace this morning and I felt calm. A few mornings ago, I'm not sure I would have noticed. It's a travesty when we allow a veil of despair overcome so much that we miss all the beauty in the world. Until this morning, I hadn't noticed so much going on around me. This disappoints myself. A human condition, simply known as selfish reasoning. A condition I don't wish to encourage or embrace. Once I start feeding it, it can become a rather large monster. Monster be damned, I'm on the lookout for beauty and spring and cliche daffodils sprinkled in gorgeous fields of green.

       Forbearance with that which will enfeeble the thoughts. A balance as precarious as a child in a Mothers womb. Delicate, yet vital, you can't have one without the other. I won't berate myself for scared thoughts, I won't trap myself with what I could not control. Until I'm safe and sound within myself, I will seek the beauty and wrap my mind with purple violets and red rain.

Tis the way of it~~