Inspiration VS. Desperation

      In a conversation with a friend over a month ago, on a particularly rough day for myself, my friend explained a theory to me that I had never heard. Since then, in almost every situation I've begun to take a pause and ask myself, what division of choice am I standing on at the moment.

       It was explained to me, that in every single thing a human does, taking it beyond the steps of basic needs and survival mode to the intellectual travel of things, we all do things based on inspiration or desperation.

       Essentially, every single solitary thing we do in every single solitary moment of our days, we are motivated by either inspiration or desperation, it's basic human nature.

       Now, at first I was a bit reluctant to buy into this theory. Because it seemed or sounded, like basing your days teeter tottering between inspiration and desperation appeared almost medieval like. But the more I thought about it, and the more I incorporated it into my daily choice making, the more it made clarifying sense.

       For example, today I was inspired to take the day off work, there wasn't anything desperate happening at work so that factor being gone, made inspiration easy. On the flip side, if something was pressing at work, I would have made a non-inspired but rather desperation decision to get crap taken care of and gone to work.

       I felt inspired to write this entry, and was not just desperate for something to do on my day off. I was desperate for a Diet Coke an hour ago and went to the convenience store to buy one. I was inspired to pick up and clean my home this morning, but I can say if someone had called and said they were coming over in 45 minutes I would have been desperately running around my home cleaning before they got here.

       I am both inspired and desperate to pay my bills on time every month. Inspired not to have late bills in the mail and desperate to keep my credit nice and clean for fear of not financing something in the future if I needed it. I'm calling it all give and take of emotional thought and motivation.

       I am a master procrastinator.I have a problem, and this is my first admission, part of my 5 step plan, admission first. I realized when I applied this theory to my procrastination, that I am an abusive desperation user when it comes to this. Us procrastinators are not typically inspired to do things at our convenience, nope, we last minute people thrive on the power of desperation to get crap done in minimal amount of time to keep our noses clean.

       Now, the part thats been keeping my mind in working overtime, is thinking back over my life, to choices I made and the repercussions involved with my choices. I have to say, without a doubt, the majority of the choices I made that were wrong, were made out of desperation rather then inspiration. Thats a rather scary revelation.

       I write, a lot. All of my writing is based on inspiration and desperation. Sometimes I am inspired to write about something I am thinking about, mulling around and just juggling around in my mind <like this entry> and sometimes, I am desperate to get the louder then hell, mixed up mumble jumble out of my brain. I imagine if you've read my journal for a while, you could see the difference between my entries. One's written out of inspiration and the ones written out of desperation.

       I turned down my big bucks job offer. When I had applied this theory to my choice, I discovered a few things. One, I was not desperate for the money. Two I was not inspired by the power, money, or the position. I was not desperate enough to give up my life, but I was inspired to KEEP my current freedoms and independence. I was not in a desperate position when it was offered to me, and the perks were not inspiration enough to give up what I already have. Choice then was unbelievably easy. I choose to keep what I've already, between inspiration and desperation, built all on my own. My inspiration was in my current work, not another.

       Today I am inspired to take my daughters fishing after school. I am feeling rather desperate for some crisp fresh air. Thats the beauty of inspiration and desperation. They can both be beautiful things. Another one of those things, we can't have one without the other....................just something to think about~~