The future never stops and yesterday is part of my history. It's the honorary system that a person has only one shot at. Maybe thats why I'm so painfully aware of time. I don't appreciate my history as I should and I'm always trying to manipulate what my future will hold. What else can compare to history and future? At the end of the road, it will be all I have left, a measure of what I did with my time, what I wrote into my history and how I used the minutes of my gift of life. Right now, this is a terrifying thought.
I would think we've all been proposed the following question, either by ourselves or as tableside conversation with others~ If you found out you had 24 hours to live, what would you do?"~
My answer is the terrifying part, because I believe my hours would be filled with asking for forgiveness from the ones I love.
Now, knowing the conscious answer to my question, I have to take it square in the gut, then kick myself in the arse and correct that. Instead of lazily watching the clock and hoping things will change as the right time presents itself, I need to just face it head on NOW and do the goddamn things that need to be done.
Thats the tricky part of this equation. It's one thing to think it, know it, feel it, and quite another to stand up, face that which causes fear and make it go away. That takes courage and the fortitude to do what's right by yourself. All alone. No one to help, it's a one woman show and I'm afraid this character has turned from heroine to sideline catalyst.
Observation and understanding is a good starting point. There was a time where I didn't even recognize this within myself. And I hope, there will be a time when I can write, I started at point A, then I made it to area B and then with swords drawn and mind set, I really did accomplish award C............................
18 comments:
If I had twenty four hours to live, I would contact three friends online and fly out to visit them.
Renee'
24 hours?
Today I would say hold those close to me, tell them how much I love them and impart some lesson(s) I think I have learned and hopes they tuck it somewhere and that day will appear when it comes to hold them.
I wouldnt take too much time wasting the last few moments om what I shoulda done. Its done. But I would, maybe call those involved to tell them I loved them. And laughter. If I could laugh my way out, it would be a wonderful thing. I would want those close to me to remember the smile, not the pain.
Time...
I gorw ahead of it, as it appears to me now. Sigh.
Jodi
Your answer...same as mine.
When you draw your sword (and I have every faith that you will, metaphorically speaking) make sure you wear the black bitch boots. Ya know, just for atmosphere. I'm just saying.
Time is relative. But it matters not whether it feels like it's going to fast or slow, it's still ticking, either way.
Ari
"It's one thing to think it, know it, feel it, and quite another to stand up, face that which causes fear and make it go away. That takes courage and the fortitude to do what's right by yourself."
It DOES take courage and fortidude to do what's right by yourself. But once you realize that fear only has as much power as you give it, setting things right becomes much easier.
Love - and always my prayers.
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK
http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/THERESTOFTHESTORY
"Instead of lazily watching the clock and hoping things will change as the right time presents itself, I need to just face it head on NOW and do the goddamn things that need to be done."
Woman, you've read my mind.
Doing right by yourself... and for yourself... is harder than ever trying to please another person. (hope that made sense ;) I used to think only women put themselves (and their needs) last, but I've realized men do it, too. Still, it seems like mostly women...
24 hours to live? I'd need to make arrangements for my daughter to be taken care of... she's only 4. All the more reason I need to get my ass in gear, too :)
Thanks for the swift kick, Rebecca...
Cat
ahh...I've heard of that question before..and I think sometimes I try to remind myself of that then I get scared because I for one is actually not ready to face the answer. I've realized that if this were true and handed to me, I'd be wasting my 24 hours beating myself up for wasting the others times I could've used to savor the moments life brought me for just what it is.
When I heard of this question before I had to think of what really really matters to me. Well...of course the picture that came to mind were my family--I'd just sit down with all of my kids and my husband and just look at them to the point I wouldn't even want to blink, just hug and kiss them & tell them how much I love them. I don't think there won't be any room left to apologize. All I'd do is savor their presence...enjoy their warm embrace.
so I'm thinking..why can't I do that now? Why wait till I only have 24 hours?
yeah..so whenever my family "gets" to me, I try to think of this "24 hour question" as a reminder. I despise regrets.
Gem :-)
The thought of only having 24 hours left is frightening. That's just not enough time. Obvioulsy I better get my butt in gear.
~ Jenny
You know, I just posted something aobut this in Jodi's journal. I don't believe in time. I don't think it really exists. We are only ever, right here, right now. We are only ever in this moment. The future is nothing but anticipation and the past exists only in memory. We simply change. We are always in flux, as is now. That is what makes doing what is right so crucial - we only have now to make the choice, to live and think right. We may never have tomorrow or later or someday. We do have now.
With peace and love,
Charley
http://journals.aol.com/CDittric77/Courage
In the grande scheme of things, life is but a moment....a mere speck. I, too, think to myself way too often, "dang girl, you have GOT to get on with it." Honestly, it just passes by, that second hand. Moving us through life much more quickly than we realize....so many moments lost that we can't get back. Yet, so many more to be found. Make yourself aware somehow, though silence...through nature...through your senses. I'll give it a try myself one of these days.. Michelle
I try not to think about time, but that's just me I'm sort of laid back..hubby says that I have rose-colored glasses on most of the time. Yet, I know you speak the truth, some ventures that I have involved myself with were a total waste of time and I do regret some of it. I think your problem is you need to sit down and write your book and it's hard to start it. Take baby steps, just alot a small time period to start - no pressure....you are very talented please remember that....Sandi
Ive asked of myself so many times "what is stopping you ? " and once i stop blaming circumstance and giving myself excuses all i can come up with is that I AM STOPPING MYSELF .
Meanwhile time is marching on regardless yet i still cant seem to do what i have to and your right we do have to do it alone , with no one to help , a one woman show is exactly what it is ........because eventually only we can do it and a thousand others cant do it for us .
Dont wait for time to force you , ask for that forgiveness now , do what you have to now , your "24 hours" began the day you were born and no one knows when its going to turn midnight x
I have never been asked the question. I'm with you though, I would ask for forgiveness, and if I had time I would try and make things right with my dad.
Feel the same way about the question wouldn't know what to do.
I love this entry, and b/c I see so much of myself in what you write. I am in many ways quite the same...and it's always haunting me, every minute that I let go by...it's a constant reminder.
Several years ago I had a risky medical procedure and didn't feel cofident that I would "make it" through. In the weeks beforehand I wrote letters to all five of my children, acknowledging my known failings and also their special uniqueness. It seemed important to say these things. All of the kids did the "oh mom" routine, but not a one said they didn't appreciate the letter or the heartfelt content. I now try to say these important things on a regular basis, not waiting until I fear I"m at death's door to proclaim my love. Paulette
A Carolin' Thru Jland ~The First Noel~
Hi Rebecca, Happy Holidays!
Gem :-D
http://journals.aol.com/libragem007/JournallyYours/entries/1056
there is only the NOW
Marti
Post a Comment