No Title Worthy Of These Words

This week, I've started and stopped many journal entries for both of the journals I claim.

My heart, just hasn't been there, my sense of loyalty to the journal I've worked so long and heartfelt on, has played a series of mental battles, begging to stay with AOL, then opening our pages and seeing the defiled ads across the top and insisting I move away. AOL's invasion of my privacy and use of my private world is reprehensible to the point of criminal...........

The Rebecca, the whole me and I, is still sitting in the middle of her packed up pages, the world that I created, brokenhearted at the possibilities of leaving. I've left that huge chunk of her  at In The Shadow Of The Iris sitting atop the boxes and luggage and I believe at this point in time, I can only be patient and wait to see if we leave or not.

In my exploration and gathering of fact's, opinions, and voices of my fellow journalers this week, I've also found myself dismayed to the point of almost downright angry at a few individuals. The back stabbing, back talking, back lashing entries and comments I've gathered up during my reading was enough to make me downright sick. Period.

Here's my thoughts. A group of people become angry over a matter. Not every person has to become distraught over said matter, I neither expect or think everyone should carry the same opinion as I do, a fairly simple example of individual choice. Nor would I expect everyone to instantly share the same opinion as I do, that would be hypocritical and hypocrisy at it's finest hour.

Possibly some of the strongest voices or well known voices in the group shout loud and proud to the world what they believe are injustices. I admire that. For that matter, some of the smaller voices shout loud and proud of their thoughts, I admire that. It's about voice, not counter counts. Furthermore, some people didn't mind the intrusion, and stated so, I admire that very much too.....But, a group of people, who dive beneath the low threads of humanity, see this as a chance to strike out about the very people they once visited and at least pretended to enjoy.

Is it jealousy? Is it a disgusting example of high school mentality to attack the very people who were once a main core to a community or a quiet thread to the network? Above all, it's the people who hold the entire "It's not fair " mentality and they see such a time as one big opportunity to pat their selves on the back and announce "good riddance to the jocks and the cheerleaders" and big wigs around the community now with a "there will be more room for me."

To me, that is the lowest hour, over the course of this previous week.

That's right, I've found those people's comments and entries and I was disgusted. So disgusted that should you be one of those people, that lashed numerous people in regard to their choices, etc., and are reading my pages, I say proudly, you are no longer welcome to read my words.

I personally cannot stand such narrow minded, simple minded mentality and have no issue saying so. If you made the comments you did, to coincide with the entry of the journaler, or vise versa, you obviously didn't remember that the written word, once typed, is there to stay and for public consumption. Words, written in spite, typically will come back to haunt you, much like gossip will do with the negative use of words in person.

Say only kind things about people and you will never have to the need to whisper.............

I would also like to clarify something I found rather humorous that I came across, because it too angered me. About the VIVI award I received. No, I did not sleep with anyone to receive it. I also did not toss on a cheerleaders outfit and shout to the world that I expected and needed one. I also did not get on my knees and beg people to vote for me, nor did I rig anything.

This sort of immaturity, "it's not fair because, well, just because" followed by inconceivable reasoning's why someone won an award not only disappoints me, it also shows me that some individuals would rather rake some people over the coals rather then look upon their own journal for the answers of why they were not nominated for a VIVI.

So for me personally, I say shame on those people who generalized me and my intentions, my journal and my writing. You have insulted me and embarrassed yourself.

For those who are part of the chiding "Losah's club," the above paragraphs are not intended for you. I understand and see the difference between the playful banter and the people who have been downright nasty and opinionated about their losses and feelings directly about the winners specifically. Should anyone not understand the difference, I would expect an email informing me so that I may clarify.

As you can see, I am angry today. Angry about several things and several issues. I haven't decided what is worse, AOL's invasion of my privacy, or the sad, sad, backlash I've witnessed of people turning on the very people who helped support this community.

I hope, that soon, I can find an even ground again and restart what my journal was all about, ME. I don't know if it will always be here, or another playground. I usually like to take time to make a choice. Gawd knows I've made enough wrong choices in my life and whether small or large, I'm trying to make the right choice by me today.

And I stand now to say, I respect each persons INDIVIDUAL choice, as to whether they are staying, moving, deleting, restoring, going private, or coming back from private. The residence one stays in, makes no difference to me, the choice someone makes, I will ALWAYS honor and respect...........just as I expect others to do for me.

Thank you everyone who has visited these pages.
And to think, I spent the last 2 months organizing ALL those links into bloglines, just to start over all again................

(Edit: these words are the personal feelings of MOI not to be agreed upon, or accepted, or expected, or anything that would fall into the overall picture. No one needs to, or should, or has to, or doesn't, need to agree. I simply needed to get a few thoughts off MY personal chest and they are what they are. I for one, have never had any expectations or obligation when it came to my journal>

 

A side, silly little moment for me, because it was indeed something I was looking forward too, if you are the person who is my 20,000 visitor, please let me know in the comments below. Thank You.