"You make me Feel"

       The side bet of Emotional Accountability is a tricky little beast I frequently attempt a mutual understanding with. I have the emotion, we have the emotions, we all have the feelings. Keeping such grandiose singular and private is usually a safe bargain. It's an easy task to file each thought, different emotions and fellow feelings within in one self. Oh sure, the inner voices will banter and argue from time to time. We have the happy days and the quiet days, we have the reflective moments and the screw it all lapses.

       To up the ante of perception, one must open their suitcase of thoughts and allow another to rifle through with exploration abandon. In my protective little world, this is as scary as a Stephen King novel.  I don't enjoy that invasion of suitcase, nor do I enjoy the implications of such a tour. Feelings and emotions are such an individual companion, things we can solely take responsibility for and account as truth or fantasy, idea's and reality.

       It took an extensive amount of time in my life to discover or mentally understand that emotions are mine to justify, explain, nurse or curse. If I am talking to someone and I start a sentence with "I feel like........." it will be a singular truth, mine and mine only. The tricky part is accepting that this other person may not perceive my truth as correct or even tangible. The most I can or should expect is an attempt at understanding, not necessarily acceptance from the other party. Expecting acceptance is a nasty little idea to press upon anyone.

       If I start a sentence with "You make me feel........" then that is laying the burden of my emotion on the other person. They may or may not be partially responsible for this feeling and they certainly have no control in how I store it in my suitcase, how long I choose to nurse it or curse it.  The 'you make me feel' syndrome I've found is neither a way to accomplish understanding or win an emotional battlefield. It simply puts the other person on the defense of their own suitcase or accountability.

       It used to be when someone said to me "Rebecca, you make me feel........." I would instantly bow in shame and apologize, whether I felt like I intentionally did such blasphemy or not. Or, just the opposite, I would use verbal banter to demonstrate to a person why their feelings were completely and totally wrong.

        It wasn't until I learned that I was solely responsible for each individual feeling I encompassed, that negating another persons feeling in this manner was unacceptable. Verbally telling another person their feelings were wrong or preposterous was basically slamming the clasp shut on the suitcase they felt inclined to give me a peek in. I've learned, that whether the person is completely out in left field or batting a home run, their feeling is real, it's their reality, it's their truth or fantasy. Period.

       I no longer tell people their feelings are wrong. I've found it's rather high and mighty to negate someone's thoughts and feelings that way. When I find myself in the cross hairs of a "Rebecca, you make me feel........." I attempt the high road and ask "Why do you have this feeling?" turning the cross hairs right back at the person who has opened their suitcase. If the cross hairs continue to turn back at me, I will carefully explain my reasons or not, but I no longer take the defensive turnabout, and shoot back my own "YA well, you made me feel like this when you..........."

       It is the passive route, but I've found lately, it's a better place to stand. Giving a clear path to another persons thoughts is tough, it's certainly not an easy endeavor. It requires shutting up and keeping my own singular thoughts just that, singular. I can voice them, I just can't place the entire burden of my emotions on the other person. Thinking another is solely responsible for my personal thoughts and feelings is a Greek Tragedy waiting to happen.

Disclaimer: All views expressed on this journal are the sole emotional feelings of the writer. Understanding appreciated, acceptance never expected. Input always welcomed.

As always, these are my thoughts.............