Honesty or not, that is the ?

       "Mom, I know when we talked before, you told me you experimented with drugs and alcohol when you were a teen. I was wondering, what kind of drugs did you do and how did it feel?" asked the 13 year old daughter of Rebecca, AKA Mom. "Oh and how often did you do them?" 

       I knew, from the moment I conceived a child, that I held a past I didn't want to reveal to my children or really anyone else for that

matter.

        I discovered I was pregnant when I was a mere child of 19 years old, a teen statistic, an unmarried, wild child. Ironically, just a month before I found out I was pregnant, I had begged my parents to let me move back home, to clean up, sober up, get off drugs, and salvage what I could reclaim of the high school diploma I missed getting by 3 credits. You don't pass if you never show up for school~~

       Discovering I was pregnant, was probably the best thing that ever happened to me in the sense I did a complete 180 turn. It wasn't easy, in fact it was a life changing and a turning point. The road I was on was heading absolutely no where, and quickly. My parents had to hide me from "friends" and "others" who were constantly trying to find me. I had to remove myself from anyone and everyone I knew. At least, my mind was clear enough to understand I had life inside my belly and I found it very easy to refrain from drinking, smoking pot, snorting anything and worse.

       I found the moment I removed myself from the "crowd" I could see clearly and felt the need to be in the center of it all gone with utter conviction. I've never touched another drug since.....

       Now, I gaze into the eye's of the little girl who helped her Mother more then I could ever explain to her, and wonder how far my honesty should be extended. I sometimes sit and listen to other Mothers, who seem to have no problem telling their children all the interesting things they did when they were teens. One of my daughters friends has a Mother who, in front of Shelby and her daughter, told us wild and crazy stories about stealing cars, getting drunk when she was a teen and having sex with her boyfriend on a park bench. I was not amused by this story. I was not amused by her clear lack of boundaries and information. This was a story she told us while sitting at the bleachers of a softball game, told purely for either entertainment value or self bonding with the teens. Again, I was not amused.

       But then, am I the one that has an unrealistic expectation here? Because of my experience, I know the pitfalls, I have many contingency plans already formulated and ready for the battlefront if needed. My parents, were good parents, they were the Walton's and I turned into a child from the twilight zone. They had no idea how to handle me, help me, and control the girl who once was so good.

       This is where I know my children are at a distinct disadvantage. As I have already explained to them, if they try it, I'll know it. If they sneak it, I'll know it. If they were to come home and their pupils were dilated one millimeter too small, I'll spot it.

       I don't deny the fact that I've been preparing for their teenagehood since I had them. Probably even giving it too much thought and measure, but I am determined not to let my daughters ever go as deep as I fell. I'm not naive enough to believe there won't be issues and problems as they assert their independence from me. I expect it actually.

       But with that, it brings me right back to how honest should a parent be in regard to a past they aren't proud of?

       I can honestly say at this point in time, I've done a great job of raising my daughters. They are both great students, honest, and rarely if ever actually get into trouble. They are respectful, gracious, well-mannered, happy and strong of character.
Does that mean they are ticking time bombs of teenage hell waiting to go off like I did once? Or will I manage to maneuver them through this next 5 and 8 years without any devastating blows to their real future?

       Would honesty about my past help, or distract from the values and expectations I've already implemented? I know in life, what will happen, happens, but as a parent, I feel a responsibility to help them, guide them and fight for them.I've been ready, willing and doing that since they were born. I imagine I'll do that till the day I pass away.

       I'll continue with whats worked so far and continue to lay bricks in the foundation I've tried to help build underneath them all these years.

       And I'll continue to secretly chant counter curses to the curse my Mother once yelled at me when I was a teen. I believe it went something like this, " I hope you have daughters someday, because you'll deserve every single little thing they do to you when they are teens!"

       I knew both times I was pregnant, within weeks and until the day they were born I was having a girl. I didn't even bother picking boys names...........
Curses are good like that~