A penchant for life and compassion. Yes, this can be something I claim. Sullen moments and days skipping along to the tune of bad taste and fresh insight. Although you'll never see through my eye's, I've come to understand my isolation isn't as individual as it once felt. Authentic musing from the circling eclectic side of life.
My scenery overlay's with each perspective and wisdom uncovered. The canvas grows within the exploration. Setting up the daytime protections and understanding the nighttime reflections has become the substance of my tenacious nature.
To honor the perfectly wounded spirit, encompassed in it's serene self and exclusive destination. Is this the hypocrisy I measure life upon? I'm beginning to believe this game. To stand with acknowledged care in front of the beast and feign the safety smile is an art I've designed to side step the situation. Polar and Bi is a difficult trauma to endure. Carry on darlin, I can take it. A measure of endurance, yes, that is what this hypocrisy has become. Compassion be damned and skies be broken, it isn't my burden to claim.
I wonder sometimes, through the haze of this narcoleptic coma, if the broken cries through these interior walls can be heard. Thou shall not speak little woman, the man said. To find the honest words, through the rhymes that walk me through the penance, is the peace of mind I seek.
Thou shall not protest to the symbolism. With a tear on the past and a wish for the future, I'll hold on to a bright notion of hope. Clutching my dirty little secrets, until the absolution presents itself. Waiting on the precipice of life and obligation, tis a fine place to stand for now. Fumbling the way through the choices, seems to be a human condition. I've found, I'm not as isolated as I once believed. There's a twisted comfort is this realization, I wasn't dealt the only disillusioned card in the stack.
There's sanctuary in the hypocrisy, and it's even possible to agree with the enchantment of dreams. There's charm in such assumption, it brings forth the desire to prove such tactful notions correct. Conjure a thought, state the mission, proceed to the allotted choice and determine the outcome.
Carry On Darlin, I can Take It.
Someday.
Thursday, September 1, 2005
Authentic
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19 comments:
"Clutching my dirty little secrets, until the absolution presents itself."
I believe absolution is always there. One just has to let go in order to see it. This is very beautifully written. It almost feels as if I could stand there next to you, feeling the same things, the same way.
Ari
We are never given anything too heavy to carry. As you carry your bi-polar, so I carry my PTSD and depression.
We are not alone! But we strive to find our way to a better place.
Peace and love,
Charley
http://journals.aol.com/CDittric77/Courage
The first step towards inner Peace is made with sound. Listen! There is a fine art to listening, as the ears on the heart must be familar with the language.
The voices inside our head challenge our us daily, especially the voice of conscience and desire.
All things in creation speak to us in a language that we are not so familar with, and some important sounds are overlooked in their meaning. In each sound is a "footprint " towards wisdom, understanding and truth.
How will you know you have arrived there? Your mind will be so clear, you will be able to hear a pin drop!
Keep speaking, you are being heard! Peace~~~~ Marc :)
Rebecca, it's very couragious to lay yourself bare and share the complexities of your "self" with others. I admire you for that. With each of your journal entries, I come away feeling I've glimpsed a different part of you, and as always, no matter what the subject, you create a wonderful tapestry with your words.
Tilly
http://journals.aol.co.uk/tillysweetchops/Adventuresofadesperatelyfathouse/
Rebecca,
:0) Suttly I see we all have a weakness, an unusual thing about us, everyone does, everyone has something weird about them. You speak in words that remind me of a ghost I once knew. But, where there are weakness's there is a strength that surpasses most normal folks...just like the El Dorado High School Track Team in California who are all deaf but they are the fastest team in the state year after year. Nobody can beat them and you my dear write with so much elegance that I am left with inspiration.
Renee' at
Yes, Rebecca, you are not alone and there is hope. You are loved... http://journals.aol.com/dcmeyer420/DearDiary/
I have an illness which has caused me a great deal of isolation in my life. My dreams and nightmares are more exciting than the four walls that I stare at each and every day. You might be isolated, but there are others who share in it with you. We all tend to become philosophers.
wow, now I see why I'm so drawn to you and your blog, your thoughts run deep. Everyone has always told me I think to deep, or write too deep, and they don't understand. I feel happiness and sadness that I know what you are feeling. Did you do the painting as well?
Derek
your insight is touching as well!
D
I feel like I just fell off of a cliff and landing face first into the dust of your words. Just like Wiley Coyote, I missed that little blue river and fell smack dab into the full brunt of your amazing thoughts.
Damn Acme Rocket skates.......
Chris
http://journals.aol.com/swibirun/Inanethoughtsandinsaneramblings
http://journals.aol.com/swibirun/MyJournalJarSaturdaySixetcanswer
Thankfully, there is the ability to express ~ however the expressions are made. If not for that, there would be no outlet and then what? A dark, deep hole...cold, hard, and unforgiving. I used to think that if I spoke it, it was then real and had to be dealt with. I was so afraid to speak my own truths. Don't build the wall so high around yourself, please... although no one can get in to hurt you, no one can get in to love you, and you are SO WORTHY of love. <3
Thinking of you, Michelle
Whoa. Cleansing? Here's hoping your life finds serenity and peace.....but never dullness or boredom!
:o)
Tammy
Laid bare emotions written with enviable honesty.....these words are a mirror held up for me to look in x
This is the most profound inner dialogue...it reminds me of the celestial marriage...the marriage of the soul to the personality...beautifully written...self portrayal...sooooooooo brave...I made an audio entry I use to reach the innermost part of my being through the alpha level...I placed it in my journal no one visits...except me.. the link:
following the serpentine. judi
The complexity of one's authentic self only compares with the complexity of one's individuality. Through exploring one's self identity and connecting with experiences, the self emerges and internal truths are revealed.
Carry on, my dear...
Best,
Judith
http://journals.aol.com/jtuwliens/MirrorMirrorontheWall
OMG Chris' comment has me rolling! Acme rocket skates! Hahahaha! Oh man, sorry.
Ari
I have spent some time this morning catching up on your journal. I read all the answers to your "Ask Me Anything Questions." I admire how you could partake in this and be totally honest with those "level 5" questions.... GREAT JOB on all the questions. It was quite a trip to jump inside your head and explore those thoughts you shared... I get so drawn into your entries, surrounded by your world. It helps me understand what you are feeling, dealing with, reacting to, working to change.
Wisdom is priceless. I see your wisdom... it shines in the dark corners of your spirit where the myths lurk that would degrade, rather than create, entrap rather than set free. You will conquor and survive, because you are willing to risk the security of old ways for the prospect of new and better tomorrows.
Love ya ~~SierriaJazz
"To find the honest words, through the rhymes that walk me through the penance, is the peace of mind I seek. "
I think this might be one of the most profound things I have ever read...I think I could right my wrongs in my verse but the incessant pain are the tears on my page no one will ever see. In the end I hope I am putting these thoughts to bed for the last time. I find I am still thinking I can capture truth on the other side when in reality I am spending far too much time there and less living.It might be we had it all ...when we were living and loving fully however mistaken or misguided or wronged. I have read this entry several times and continue gleaning more about myself. I wrote once we see ourselves painted on someone else's page...Courtenay
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