As an ordinary female, with ordinary needs, I will whisper that I do indeed enjoy shopping for clothes, shoes, and hand bags. I find shopping can be it's own self involved, self enhancing, self appreciating adventure. There can be a fantastic elevating attitude and a "I look damn good today in my new jeans" mood that evolves around treating yourself to a new something.........
This week, I abhor shopping, I detest it, I spit on Abercrombie and Fitch and wish I had a fairy Godmother to provide school clothes for my daughters.
Thats right folks, I've been school clothes shopping, burning the check book at both ends and loathing it to the fullest potential.
If you've been reading this journal for a while, you may remember my entry titled Aye Captain,
http://journals.aol.com/justaname4me2/InTheShadowOfTheIris/entries/1227telling the story of the Mother, the 12 year old, a Valentines Dance dress, the bonifide teenie bopper and the resulting mental damage played out. That was over one freaking dress...................
I now have a 13 year old daughter and I can do no right in the clothing department atmosphere. I have officially lost my "cool" status, I am no longer in the club of confidence. I was even officially called a "Prude" by one of the supporting friendships, back up clothing advisor, tagging along one day for re-enforcements.
In case you are not in the circle of 13 year old clothing choices, did you know how impossible it is to find a tee-shirt that doesn't say anything along the lines of "I'm a Sassy Sexy Siren" or "Blondies have more fun" or here's a beauty my daughter thought was innocent enough "Pucker up, I'm blonde and fun" and the list goes on and on.........oh and we can't forget the multitude choices in the "I'm the hot one" and "I dumped my boyfriend, wanna chat?"
Walking billboards of fashion prostitution. Yep, thats right, it isn't even whispered between lockers in the hallways at school anymore, you can just buy a tee-shirt toadvertise anything you wish.
Now, in case anyone may be thinking my daughter is going to be pregnant and hired out by the time she is 15, I can assure you she's innocent enough at this point. Why do I know this? Because I've got a somewhat short leash on the child, I am home if she is home, I work my entire schedule around my daughters <hence why I am home for the summer> I had chosen a long time ago, to never put or allow my daughters to be an in circumstance where bad choices are pounding them in the head. Shelby is only allowed to go to friends homes where careful screening has been conducted and the parents are of like minded parenting skills. She knows the rules, and she also knows there are some pretty tough consequences already layed out in front of her if she were to choose to ignore them. I believe a parent should install a level of fear in their children, we're the adults, they are children. Just as I fear breaking the law and getting sent to jail, they need to fear breaking the laws with me.................
So this isn't about a daughter who is out of line, out of control, etc.......this is about clothing choices available, what others are getting away with wearing, and what is, as I heard sooooo many times this week "But Mom's it's in STYLE" again, I spit on fashion designers for the younger generation!
Thankfully, I do have the 10 year old, she's been easy enough to shop for. But you know what, when I make it through this school clothes shopping nightmare and send the little darlings back to school on the 29th, I'm grabbing what's left of my check book balance, heading to a few of my favorite stores, and recapturing the glorious feeling of buying a new handbag, a fancy pair of shoes and a new outfit. I may even find a tee-shirt that says "One sexy Mama" and buy it for meandering around my yard, watering my flowers...................<insert sarcasm, I'm joking, laugh here>
27 comments:
Good for you for standing up for morals, values, and responsibility. I am behind you one hundred percent. It's not about style - it's about self-respect. Your daughters are WORTH more than a crappy shirt that says, "Open for Sale - Wanna Buy?" They are WORTH more than a fashion industry that teaches them sex sells, and they're only good enough if they flirt with the boys and provide favors to them upon demand. It's disgusting.
Hooray for a mother that holds a high standard and sets consequences for her children's behavior. And it's not fear your'e instilling - it's responsibility. Here's the situation - here's your choice - now you're responsible for the behavior and decision you made. End of list.
YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!
Peace and love,
Charley
http://journals.aol.com/CDittric77/Courage
YOU GO YOU!
There need to be more mothers out there like you! I am only 20 and I walk around everyday and see these little 13 year old girls, and some of the clothes that they are wearing and wonder how their parents ever let them out of the house. My mother surely would have stopped me if I was walking around in a t-shirt that read "I stole your boyfriend" (swear I saw that one just the other day) . And doesnt someone have to buy that for them. Thank you for teaching your girl that she is not a piece of meat and that girls dont need to advertise themselves!
She will apprechiate you when she is older! and all her girlfriends have boyfriends who treat them like crap because they dont understand the value of self worth.
Forgot to leave my link:
http://journals.aol.com/trickeytricky/CountryMyKindaLivin
While you are to be commended for being a perfect role model, children crossing over to young adolescents are not looking for "perfect" role models (Google: Childrens Brains) You will find many sights that have professionals discuss the state of a 13 year brain...the terrible conflicts it is confronted with.
Amongst this dress code disapproval, let her see and feel the love and respect you have for her. If she is looking to be unique, there is nothing like knowing how special you are to someone!
Yep, parenthood is a long winding road, with sharp turns and sudden dips.....remember, there are no "U" turns ...so enjoy the journey!
Peace~~~~~Marc :)
I tried the "sex sells" approach once but was told it was out of stock and back ordered, LOL.
Chris
http://journals.aol.com/swibirun/Inanethoughtsandinsaneramblings
http://journals.aol.com/swibirun/MyJournalJarSaturdaySixetcanswer
I am still quite fortunate in this area....my 11 yr. old thought she liked the new "bunny shirts" that are out now, and was excited to look for them and also other "trendy" t shirts...that is, until she saw them, read them, and walked away uninterested. She isn't quite fitting into the junior sizes yet, so right now both my girls are right were I want them...In the GIRLS department! I hope I have at least 2 more years of this! Michelle PS. You're a GREAT MOM! Hold on to that leash tightly!
Here's the thing with those shirts... They are easy enough to make. I mean all you really need is a cute blank shirt and an iron. My point? Make her some shirts that say things that are more appropriate.
I have one in mind. You should use really tiny print iron-ons and have it say, "If you can read this shirt, you are standing too close, in which case, my mother is about to come out and club you on the head."
If you substitute the word "mother" for "husband", I would so totally wear that shirt...
Ari
Good for you in the decisions you are making concerning your daughter!! It is not easy but being a parent is not a popularity contest. And, it's not for wimps! LOL My daughter is now 27 and, in spite of the challenges we had concerning her wardrobe (she had definite fashion ideas from the time she was in first grade) I picked my battles carefully and stood firm when I knew I was protecting her from the negative influences of the world. I have never regretted my choices and she has thanked me many times for holding the line then even when we both shed tears at the time. Hang on to that short leash for as long as you can and then know you have laid a solid foundation that will shine through!
Dust Bunny Protector
Oh Rebecca~Leave it to you to make a profound entry out of shopping! ;-) I have just visited with 2 14-year old nieces; I can get neither to talk to me much, but I heard from their parents about shopping for them. Ms. S is an Amercrombie-and Fitch-mine-surely-does-not-stink sort. I asked her if she and her friends wear their labels outside their clothes or something...heehee...she was not amused. Ms. K is more the Walmart-is-good-enough shopper, but where as Ms. S is an A student, Ms. K hates school and ditches whenever possible. Ms. S is from an "old money" town and Ms. K is from a very small town; hence their peers are much different. As Ellen would say, "There is a point and I know I have one..." ummm~I find dealing with male children and teens to be much less complicated. AMEN to this>>"She knows the rules, and she also knows there are some pretty tough consequences already layed out in front of her if she were to choose to ignore them. I believe a parent should install a level of fear in their children, we're the adults, they are children. Just as I fear breaking the law and getting sent to jail, they need to fear breaking the laws with me................." Ask me to tell you the story of how Ms. S had to be literally arrested by her mother recently. Of course there were years of "I wanna be your kewl mom and friend" practice in the history of that drama's making...As your girls mature I will continue to pray for you..;-) Sassy
Sheesh. Thank God I had sons and not daughters! I still remember the late 60's and early 70's when I was a teen and mini skirts and hot pants were a fad. I'd save my $2 babysitting money (babysitting that brat, Louise was a bitch, too! She made me play "I dream of Jeannie" with her in order to get her to go to bed, and I always had to be the genie!), take it to the Maryanne shop on 69th street in Upper Darby, and bring home an adorable little baby doll dress for $2.00 that rode halfway up my thighs. I'd wear it once on a date with my steady boyfriend and it would promptly disappear into the "Land of Lost Baby Doll Dresses that cost about $2.00", by the following day.
Your shopping experience brings back memories. I'm glad you shop with your daughter. Every mom should do that. Good luck, mom!
Maryanne
I only have one girl and she is only 8 but I hear you. It is so hard. All the clothes are geared for them to look like mini teens and I hate it. AND I don't want my TEEN wearing it either!!! UGH. I loved Gymboree but my dd is growing out of it...crap.
We will survive it somehow...I guess!
Be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/
Poetry:
as the mom of a 14 year old, I feel this with you.
Marti
LOLOL...you give me NO hope! My 7yo girlie popped out ready to go...it has been a ride ever since. LOL ;) C. http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies
I love to shop til I drop also, especially if I can afford it! Great sales make the best steals in deals! Back to school fun lately!
Renee'
Oh Rebecca...I feel your pain! I am taking the boys next week...ugh...even boys are exasperating, the teen more so. Thank god the diva still has a few years(even though at almost 4? She has her opinions!)
Jodi
The thing that gets me is the padded bras on sale for 6 years olds! And this is on sale in respectable family orientated stores. Some of the matching sets put my old grey faves to shame! I think it's disgraceful. I once bought my 4 year old a t-shirt which had a pretty little Angel on the front. When I got it home, I was horrified to see that on the back it had the same pretty Angel, but now she was suggestively (to my mind) dressed up with clip on horns and the slogan said, "Devil By Night"! For a 4 year old? I despair.
Tillyx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/tillysweetchops/Adventuresofadesperatelyfathouse
oh, I remember this nightmare. Now, I was careful enough with what my kids wore and did.... but then amplify that to the nth degree with the throw-back to a neanderthal Iranian X who thought my daughter should date one person..... the man she would marry. Nightmare.
Things have progressed even farther now, and I do not envy you your job. Maybe if you picked up one of the obnoxious sexist t-shirts and wore it around the house it would cure the girls, suddenly seeming less cool. No scratch that, it's wrong on all kinds of levels:):):)
Keep fighting the good fight, I think you have amazing kids and that is a testament to your parenting.
judi
It gets better. When she goes to college and lives in the dorm, you will be the coolest Mom ever! She will be calling you at least twice a day wanting your input on everything and begging you for a lunch date. I solved the school clothes shopping dilemma by sending them to schools that requires uniform...
I can tell you're a great Mom. They may not always appreciate rules, fashion "sense" and your efforts now, but they will someday. ~ L
PS. I agree, there should be more Mom's around like you.
Oh, I so know what you mean by teenage fashion. My womanchild went through all and seems to have grown out of it a good bit. (She calls Abercrombie and Fitch, I Be Snobby & Bitch.) Once she quit trying to fit in and started dressing the way she really liked, she foundo ut she was the trendsetter. I keep hearing so-and-so was wearing something just like I did last week. It ticks her off. She so wants to be original. It just tickles me.
Oh honey, I feel for you! Happy I've got boys, but I have witnessed friends dealing with this dilemma. It is beyond unfortunate that all clothing available to young girls acts as a pedophile magnet. Stick to your guns and hang tight.
Tammy
Oh, I remember the days... my daughter wouldn't wear anything I picked out. I do remember, she won a shopping spree at JC Penneys, for $200, it was great. She got to pick out whatever she wanted.
My daughter started fighting with me about fashion and clothing from 1 month old. She wouldn't let me put bows or those lacy/ribbon head bands they have for babies in her hair.. she pulled them out as soon as I put them on. Never could get her to wear hats or anything on her head and the fighting never stopped. She insisted on wearing frilly dresses and mary jane shoes to preschool and would wear holes in the toes of the shoes by dragging them on the ground when she would swing. I never had a problem with her wanting to dress too mature or wearing those filthy t-shirts... She just wanted NAMEBRAND clothes that were sooo expensive...But there is HOPE!!! She is 20 now and shops at Walmart, checks out the sale racks first and her outfits look great!!
argh.....my daughter is 10 and already wants to wear what us old timers would call daisy duke shorts...my hair gets thinner every day
God bless you! I have only boys and I still detest school shopping. But to take any preteen girl shopping...I do not enby you.
Tina
So, I guess you wouldn't like my favorite t-shirt that has the slogan, "It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put the boogers!"
Judith
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