Hats, Hats, and More Hats

I have a mindful of hats today.

       During a joint session of Therapist Hat counseling last night with a distraught friend, I proposed an analogy of hat wearing female mentality. It really sunk in with a chair jumping, hat wearing, weight bearing relevance to the ordinary day to day us woman <and men> attempt with flair on just about every ordinary moment of our lives.

       Although my hats are invisible to the naked eye, I have a collection that could be picked up from Walmart to the couture, invitation only, back rooms of <pick any decent designer> fashionable designs.

President Official Motherhood Hat: Never to be taken off, never to be taken for granted, although weighty at times, it's a hat to be cherished and handled with care and precision. This hat isn't a right, it's a privilege from the top designers of life...........

Princess Daughter Hat <actually it's more like a tiara>: Being the one and only daughter entitles me to instant princess status. I love my parents and wear this hat <tiara> with appreciation and do my best to be a good kid.

Accumulative Family Hat: Coming from a large family has some responsibilities attached and I delight for the majority of the time, in the large close knit family I can go to, and they can come to me in both times of need and just simple birthday bashes <which I might add are many per month>

Executive of Maintenance Janitor Hat: If it's broken, I will fix it, or die trying. Fixed a toilet just the other day. This hat is from the Walmart section of life, but it's stuck until I win the lottery I'm thinking.

Betty Crocker Chef Hat: Until Chef Ramsey comes to cuss out my household and prepare culinary delights, I'm stuck with this hat too. Luckily for my darling children, I've taught myself how to cook other things besides hamburger helper! This does not mean I enjoy this hat, but one can only live on Hamburger Helper so long until one detests the smell of cooking hamburger meats............

Domestic Goddess Hat: Someone pinned this sucker on with straight pins when I wasn't looking awhile back. I'm more the "oh the button fell off, lets throw it away and buy a new one" kinda gal, but at times, I will force the issue within myself and attempt creative domestic handiwork into my caseload. I love little fleamarkets where I can purchase a beautiful crocheted afghan, rather then make one. Although I can claim, while I was pregnant, I did forceable make myself create a baby blanket for both my daughters. It was torture, but I prevailed.

Elegant Martha Stewart designing Hat: Much to my Mothers despair, this gene skipped a generation. Although that little refrigerator magnet that says "Martha Stewart doesn't live here" would fit nicely into my decor, I am the sole proprietor of design and elegance for my home. If a vase is staged, it's because my fine decorator hat placed it there.

Accounting Manager of Financing and Investments: This hat keeps the finances and bill accounting in order. A highly depressing job most of the time, it is what it is. Until I can persuade Donald Trumps accountant to swing on over to my home, I suppose I will continue to wear this hat and abhor the monthly accounting.

Taxi Cab Driver Hat and community bus driver: I don't know how exactly it happened, but I've been officially appointed driver for all extra activities that involve my daughters and their friends. The free rides will be over if gas really hits that 5 bucks a gallon stage, I'll start charging a "convenience fee" to the other parents who I've self envisioned sitting at home watching reruns of "LOST" while I'm out carting everyone around.

Decency Clause Hat: See entry below

Activities Coordinator Hat: I'm a wedding planner without all the bells and whistles. I can coordinate activities like Oprah's pro planner, classes, school activities, dances, sports, art classes, haircuts, dentists, movies, doctors, swim time and just about anything else that comes my way. Thank you PALM PILOT.

Pet Facilitator Hat: From feeding times, to Vet visits, grooming appts. to cleaning crap out of the yard, I'm always trying to stay one step ahead of the farm that my little city home has become.

Therapist Friend Hat: We all know what this one is, the call comes just as your sitting down for dinner, crying on the other line and suddenly you find you've inherited studious eye glasses, a legal pad and Waterman pen. You sit in your pretend leather recliner and envision your friend laying on the high class couch in front of you. There is an issue and you will get to the bottom of it, provide multiple solutions and solve the case at hand.

E.M.T. hat: Quick to administer Band-Aids, Tylenol, and assess damage in under 10 seconds, we mothers are astute at the medical practices required for handling children under the age of 18.

Queen Pants Holder of my current address Hat: This hat is basically a blanket hat that encompasses all the responsibility that I hold as soon as I step into my yard. At my home, every blade of grass, every dish, every bug that penetrates my line of defenses, every light bulb or piece of furniture is my responsibility. I look around and realize what a lot of crap I'm responsible for.

Head of Laundry Department: Enough said, this is a battle I will NEVER win unless I move to a nudist colony.
Head of Dish services Department: Enough said, unless I resort to paper plates, plastic utensils and disposable cookware
Head of Bathroom/Kitchen disinfection: Enough said, but I might add, I hate these hats too.
Head of Wood floors and Carpet Maintenance: Enough said, I just love dust bunnies, the little invasion rats

Commander in Chief Hat: I hold all veto and voting rights within my scope of world. Which means, what I say goes, what I do is my reflection of leadership and like archives of the Department of Justice, what I do, stays on my record. I can't be voted out of office, but protesters and sit-in's do have a voice. Sometimes it's a democracy, sometimes it's a dictatorship, sometimes it's just plain old parenthood.

       In conclusion, I could probably go on and on with my list. I didn't even mention the hats that are ALL mine and ONLY mine, maybe another day. But with my Therapist hat on during last night session with a friend in need, as I pointed out, we sometimes carry so many damn hats it's no wonder we all get alittle frazzled and strung out at times. I dare anyone to try to stack 10 hats on their head and try to balance them long enough to walk across a room without something falling to the ground. It happens, whether we want it too or not.

       We just have to carefully pick the dropped hat off the ground and keep on walking............

As always, these are my thoughts.....................................and yes, I intentionally left out my relationship/love hats because well, I wasn't up to heading down that hat store today <insert nice smile of evasion there> but your more then welcome to head that way!!

But I leave with this thought, how many more hats are out there that you can think of???

Ok, I'm back, it's been bugging me all day because I've thought of at least 30 more. But here's a few follow-up no brainers I remembered~~~

Quality Inventory Hat: For some reason, I am expected to know where anything and everything is located at all times in this homestead. You know what I'm talking about, the whole "MOM, where is my xyz" and the amazing part about it, 98% of the time I actually know where everything is!

Master Multitasking Magician Hat: <thanks Tilly can't believe I forgot this one> Without this hat, how else can you talk on the phone to the distraught friend, do the dishes, and play Monopoly with the kids all at the same time?

Head of Emergency Clean up Department: There is an infinite radar that goes off and the emergency lights start flashing on this hat before I've even seen damage. Dropped blood red paint on the carpet, I'm on it within seconds. Broken glass on the kitchen floor, I've scooped the kids up and safely placed them on the counter before the glass hits the floor. Yep, this one is a finely tuned instrument of a hat.

And there's MANY more, but well, I'm on the verge of overkill as I type :o)