Contemptuous

       Step right up folks, thats right it's time to enter the freak zone. One and two, three and four, stand to the right, lay to the left. Front and center. Five. I'll be right there in the heat of the spotlight..... Clown paint dripping down the face and hearing the party of dreams. Hmm interesting, dreams minus a D, add a S and you get screams. Fitting, twist of letters.

        All I hear today is the merry go round notes. Driving my circles, forgot my purpose tonight. I've had enough damn fun, I want, six, off this ride.

       Step to the door, and click goes the junction. Lascivious maneuver I'll have to ruminate. Standing in my space of speculation. I see, this isn't going to be easy to absorb.

       I shouldn't dare write now, for my mind feels like an amusement park gone atrocious. Up and done, one and two, step right up, buy a ticket for the show. The fun just stopped, quick look back inside. Hold on now, there may be absolution.

       I'll try a different ride, spendy tickets, but I'll give it a whirl.............

       My violence is here, the wicked and the ugly. Issues of the questions that I have no answer for. And if I asked you, if you still see the beauty from within me I'm afraid I wouldn't hear anything but no.
      
       When you ask the questions and feel the silence take hold of my voice, you can't see the battle within, although, I wish I could show you. For the answers do not produce the solution I need.

       I imagine you like the way I smile, but bear witness to my quiet nature. To show my weaknesses and never try to hide them, is for a person with more courage then I.  I'd like to think, you know me better then that. Now, a witness to my atonement, is needed.

       I'm in this race, alone and visionary, with my eye's on the wonderful. You and you alone understand yet, claim confusion with the division of distance. I turned my back, so long ago, believing it was my decision to be free, and realized the choice became my shadow of regret. You've earned esteemed exemption and I mourn my loss. Forgiveness came so easily for you. Can one person stand in such glorification and patience, can this really be possible? Did you think I would forgive myself that easily? I'm far too much of a bitch to myself to attempt such a selfish thing.

       What a sad little sideshow I've become. Do you know who I am today? I promise I will wait until tomorrow. Tomorrow somewhere is laughing at the distinction. Do you know who I am? The mesmerizing entity of comme il faut fears. Waiting for tomorrow and touching the hands of the clock is my nemesis and crutch. The crash of March and the stumble of July, is somewhere to be caught by confusion and need...................................

And this is where you step off the ride and I stay on and on....round and round I go, where I end, no body knows...................