I had a good birthday, it was calm, nothing out of the ordinary, simple, just the way I like things. With my first paragraph, you can already assess there is a proverbial "but" coming your way. I received a gift, that both surprised me, shocked me, and left me spinning in a, what the hell do I do, state of mind.
The gifter, whom I love dearly, had recently come into some money. Evidently the gifter felt the need to do something pretty amazing for me, which the thought of this gift touched me deeply.
This is where the pressure of appreciation and guilt wrap a most beautiful bow tie around an emotional struggle.
The gifter knows of my love of art. Art is a glorious testament to beauty, life, and creative imagination. We all know this. Art is also deeply personal, in my humble opinion. In simple terms, this wonderful, thoughtful person bought me an expensive, limited edition, with all the certificates, hand signed by the artist, bells and whistles, very popular artists painting. It is huge, it is gorgeously framed.
It is not me.
OUCH. So close, beautiful idea, wonderful thought, brilliant notion actually. Wrong artist. This is where guilt wraps it's pretty little claws around my conscious. As I sat on the floor before this gift I felt the clutches of "what do I do" grab hold, meanwhile this persons excitement and elation of giving me such a gift swallowed my panic whole.
This person has been to my home, the gifter in their excitement proclaimed the perfect wall I have in my home for this painting and I sat there a bit dumbfounded. Dumbfounded with a plastered smile. I couldn't help but think of the painting I won from Judith HeartSong, had just received in the mail and looking at this painting it was clearly on the oppositeend of the spectrum. I love my Judith painting, adore it, can't stop looking at it. This painting, I'm just torn as to what to do.
So when does the line cross from ungrateful, and unappreciative,<because I really was NEITHER> to letting someone know that the thought of a gift was glorious, just a tad wrong. Now before everyone thinks I'm a spoiled brat who should be grateful of such a gift, let me point out, this is something I will need to incorporate into my home. Something I will have to see every single day for probably the rest of my life. I don't love it as I should. I hate to think of the money spent for this gift! Hmmmm I do sound like a brat here, I'm just so torn! The one 3-D friend I confided in, said I should immediately return it and get a painting of an artist I adore. She felt the gift wouldn't be tarnished by exchanging it. I disagree.
I personally can't bear the thought of disappointing this person. I think doing something like that would crush them. I might add here, this gifter, took an enormous amount of time and energy getting it to Idaho <I was told the whole story of how this person had seen the print in a magazine, thought of me, searched it down, etc., etc...> So for a few days, it's been sitting in the big old monster of a box it was shipped in. I've pulled it out a few times, to just study it, see if a measure of love would be found. Nothing yet........but I'll keep trying. In time, maybe it will grow on me, it will be a looming presence, thats for sure.
To return or not, this is the question thats haunts good intentions.....
17 comments:
Well dear it is in bad taste to reject such a gift, this person is evidently near & dear to your heart. You don't have to necessarily place this painting in the spot that she was referring to, don't you have a guest bedroom or den that would do?
Seeing the pictures that you put up I take it you go for Renoirs, VanGough and Monets..you have good taste. Art is hard for someone to buy for another because all of our tastes are different. My own sister couldn't wait to show me something she had purchased, it was a really good print, signed, matted & framed well but it didn't appeal to me as it did to my sister....I told her I was so happy that this art was making her happy...kinda got around it. Sorry that you have such a dilemma. Sandi
Oh, the troubles some people have!! Poor thing, I am sympathetic...well,no, I'm not. No one has ever done such a thing for me! You must be doing something right, must have made some impression on this person, for them to make such an effort. I suppose you could return it and say, "thank you, but I cannot accept this, it is too beautiful. Can I come visit it at your home?" That might do the trick, and save their feelings. I don't know, as I said, I have no experience, but I salute you for caring enough to worry about it. Bruce
I'm not at all sure, Rebecca, but I think if it were me I would probably keep the painting. I had a similar experience and, boy, I know exactly how you feel. A friend knew I was planning to get a cat; what she didn't know was that I had thought carefully about what I wanted and had decided I did not want a longhaired cat, a white cat, or a female cat. She surprised me with a kitten -- a longhaired, white, female kitten. I was completely torn about what to do. Finally, I thanked her and asked her to return it. The kitten went back to the pound and I lost a good friend. Twenty years later, it still haunts me occasionally and I still don't know what would have been the best way to handle the situation.
I think keeping the painting would be a huge gift to your friend, and perhaps you can find some way to make the painting less obtrusive to yourself? This is a tough one, because your personal tastes matter too. -- Anne
Truely a tuff one.
It's not like you can tuck something like that away in drawer.
I am sure you will find the perfect answer ofr thie white elephant.
Have a great weekend.
TJ~
I say keep it as reminder of the thought that went behind it, by a person who sounds like they love you and admire you. it may not be something you like like, but it is a reminder that you have someone in your life that really cares for you.....
Kim
Before Cindy Crawford became famous, she was asked to get rid of the mole on her face. She refused, even though it might not have been the most attractive thing for a model at that time.
And you know, that mole made her what she is today. My point is that sometimes it is the imperfections, the things we don't like, that keep us grounded to who we are.
Keep the painting. That's my advice. It may not be the prettiest picture ever created, but it was given out of love. Someone went through a lot of trouble for it. I hope that when you look at it, it is THAT that you think of. Best wishes,
Ari
I've never been the recipient of such an extravagance so I'm unable to empathize. I have, however, been given gifts depicting the bad taste of the giver and was left questioning what to do. Being an artist and designer, I would be deeply offended if someone gifted me a wallhanging (other than a Judi Heartsong, of course, because her work is truly beautiful and totally up my ally). Think through this one carefully, Rebecca, as your action will either make or break the relationship. 1) Hang it in a guestroom and send the giver a lovely thank-you note saying the beauty awaits their waking eyes when they come for an overnight visit (then take it down, wrap it up, and put it in the closet until their next visit?). 2) I don't recommend hanging it in a predominant space in your home because once you decide to move it, the giver may be offended. 3) Talk with the giver and humbly explain that your relationship is not based on physical possessions and it is too lavish to accept. Be sure you add to the conversation, "After all, I must set an example for my daughters in the proper etiquette when receiving such an extravagant gifts, don't you think?" 4) Your friend's good intention can simply be honored by gracefully say "Thank You." What you do with the artwork should be up to you.
You've written yet another(!) thought-provoking entry,
Judith
http://journals.aol.com/jtuwliens/MirrorMirrorontheWall
You are in a predicement. However from my views on friendship grateful should not mean acceptance of your personal choices for me. I think a true friend no matter how hurt they might be would truly understand that sometimes friends' views differ especially something so personal as decor in a home. Sometimes an item like that may scream "I don't fit here!" Perhaps you and a friend could come to an agreement on how to handle it but if they expect you to put aside your taste just to show you appreciate the gift would be selfish not the other way around.
Rebecca - Happy Birthday! Now, to your dilemma. You say that you cannot bear to disappoint this person. So listen to your own words - if they came from your heart, then I say you should honor your friendship and keep the painting. And you never know - it may grow on you!
What matters more to you - keeping and honoring your friend, or maintaining the "purity" of your belongings, what are essentially just "things?"
That's my two cents' worth. But ultimately, you must do what YOU think is right.
Vicky
http://www.livejournal.com/users/vxv789/
I don't think this is just about the artwork. It seems to be about the person, and their affection for you. As time goes on, you will appreciate the piece more for that than for the art itself. I have had several gifts like that, and, indeed, although they are not my style, I appreciate them for the love and thoughtfulness in them. Granted, this is looming for you, it sounds, however. Keeping the piece may be special in due time, and if not, after a decade or so of decision, donate it to a worthy institution, in you friends' honor. Best to ya, on this one! Cya, Kris
Ohh I feel for you...what an awful position to be in. Will this friend ever visit you? Could you hang the piece and take a nice picture to send them to show how "lovely" it looks in your home....then put it away?
I had a velvet painting of some butterflies in my living room for a long time....this is not my idea of great art...but it was a gift from my child...who was young and had "different" taste in art. The painting was hideous but it was soaked in so much love...that I kept it for its "inner" beauty!
We've all been there!! LOL
Marie in TN
ouch that is a pickle........good luck i`m sure you`ll make the right decision......btw thanks for the help with my journal picture....greatly appreciated
Hi Rebecca,
First of all, Happy Belated Birthday! ;-) And thank you for taking the time to visit and read my new journal.
Second, I'd hate to be in your position when it comes to this dilemma. But I'd say think about what would you do if you were the friend that gave the painting...how would you look at it if you find out your friend is having a dilemma whether to keep the picture or return. How would you feel toward her? Just my 2cents..but go with your guts anyway... it never fail you! ;-)
Journally Yours,
Gem
http://journals.aol.com/libragem007/JournallyYours
this is my take happy B-day. From losing my husband in a auto wreck and thinking back to all the presents and things he did for me which is everything I have ever wanted I recieved. material things are just that material. The things that mean the most are the sharing, love and feelings so find a place you do not have to look at it so often but it's stilll up and remember it's the thought and love of that person in that painting not the painting itself that holds the meaning.
come visit to see a proud mom
I guess I'm admitting to being a bit of a people-pleaser, but I simply COULD NOT hurt a person who cared enough to go to so much effort . . . SAW IT IN A MAGAZINE AND WANTED YOU TO HAVE IT! There's some real awwww factor there!!!
Perhaps you could put it up for awhile and later, do some rotating. I love to paint and I often can't wait to take something down so that I can hang something I've just completed. I guess I am assumed lots of people rotate their art, which means a few things are in a closet at any given moment.
It IS a dilemna, but you are a very good judge of how to settle situations!
BTW, hope YOU have a wonderful holiday weekend!!!
Cyndygee
My mom has gotten many ugly gifts from family and friends which she proudly keeps and displays.. I look around her house and only see the love, affection, and true friendship. It brings us special memories and joy remembering what the occasion was and who it was from and what the gift represents. I could not bear to hurt a dear friend's feelings and would keep the painting and trust that somehow it will find it's place somewhere in your home.
I like your style of writing, and the stream of thought works when the ever present demon of writer procrastination exsits. I look forward to reading more.
Wolfdreamer
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