Yesterday I put myself through the bliss and torture of watching what I would classify a 'love story' or more typically referred to as the infamous 'Chick Flick.' From time to time I'll do this, usually in a dreamy state of longing, of which afterward I can mourn my lack of romantic entanglement.
Maybe thats the reason love stories are written, just so we can compare notes and realize our own script is sorely lacking in Oscar winning moments. Maybe they are written simply with the knowledge that woman seek this sort of level of love and will toss 8 bucks at a movie theater to live vicariously through another script.
Now, some may think I'm getting all dreamy because that other infamous day is right around the corner. You know what I'm talking about, Valentine's Day, lover proclamation day, the flaunting of the flowers and diamonds day. A day to make declarations of companionship or abandonment. The day to avoid the office if you know nothing will be delivered to your secretary. A day to flounce around with a commendable validation of love from their significant other.............
I see I'm getting off topic, sorta, but I'll probably visit the concept of Valentine's Day soon enough in my journal. Back to Love Stories........
I watched "The Notebook" yesterday. The epidemic of a love story. Yes, I used the word epidemic. This sort of movie could cause an epidemic of expectation from love starved woman. I find it very interesting Nicholas Sparks, a male gender, wrote this story. Could a mere female like me consider the possibilities that a man could love me in such a way? Ladies, if you go rent this movie, try hog tying your man to the couch, tape on a gag, and make him sit through it. If he gets any hints along the way, hooray for woman.
I hope I'm not starting to sound cynical. Because I have felt what soulmate all embracing love feels like. A writer couldn't have wrote those feelings, even in a perfect imagination, any better. I find myself reading all the time, watching the occasional movie, remembering my own memories and thinking about possibilities. I have opportunities to recapture those feelings, I'm not at the end of my story, and thats a beautiful thing. It's that concept of time again, embracing me within it's walls, instead of me chasing it all the time.
But here's a question I have for the people who may come across my journal. Just how many of you have found true all encompassing love? Is life really like baking cookies without the butter? If your missing the ingredient of love in your life, do you find your cookies just never come out right?
Are the type of love stories in our minds, ok mine at least, only there because my imagination is a bit shifty and can keep conceiving Oscar winning material? Maybe I should clarify Oscar winning material briefly here. Short list 1) Somone I can trust 2) Someone who makes me smile and laugh 3) Someone who makes a marginal attempt to read my words and understand me 4) Someone who will make me coffee and bring it too me when I'm sick.....those kind of simple things I'd consider Oscar winning stuff at this juncture in my life.
Do we 'people' who write a lot, exploratory imaginations, set too high of expectations here in our mind that can never be accomplished? I just don't know. But I do know this. I know my love is out there, an all encompassing, passionate, full of laughter and trust, and I am coming for it.
Damn those chick flicks and all they imply! :o)
22 comments:
At 28, I'm just now finding MYSELF. However, I believe that anyone in the right state of mind, at the right point in their lives, absolutely has the potential to find that all-encompassing love. I happen to share your ideas on what qualifies as Oscar-winning material, too! Nothing outrageous, just the simple things that should be present in every relationship. Good luck in finding your Oscar-winning love story!
I always look forward to your entries, keep 'em commin'! :)
~Erika~
Rebecca,
I have read most of Nicholas Sparks's books...I myself can't believe he is a man, capable of knowing, it almost sometimes like he was in my fantasy marriage/relationship, that I had made up in my head way back when I didn't know a thing about how relationships really worked. I know the older that I get the more simple encompassing love is for me. The days where dh and I can giggle for whatever reason TOGETHER or have a decent conversation without the kids around, are days of romance, passion and love for me. Maybe it isn't Oscar worthy, but it certainly is reality. And you know what, I am okay with that.
You've definately given me something to think about.
Kim
I hate Nicholas Sparks. He drives me crazy. I've always thought he was too sentimental. That doesn't mean I'm not a romantic, because I am. I've found love to be very different from what I thought it would be but more rewarding. My Oscar worthy moments are found in glances and short phrases that wouldn't sound romantic to anyone but me. They're found in the moments when I'm grouchy and PMSing, and he says something so off the wall that he knows it will bring me to a different mood. They're the times when we decide to ignore each other until we can trust ourselves to be civil and respect the love we do share. Is it camera worthy? Heck no, but I'll take it.
Well I think you're really cool. Thanks for tagging me. Btw, I do think there's all kinds of 'measures' of love. You might have one person you really are "passionate" about or maybe another "lustful" even and there's the "romantic" kinda love and the kind that "hurts"... in a good way, not necessarily bad. :) If you have all the above, hey, you might not be alive. Hell, I think you might've crossed over into Heaven.
There are all kinds of relationships I think.... And so on and so on. You get the idea. Shoulda had some coffee before I ventured into Journal Territory, eh. Ah well. I think my body is shuttin' down. The coffee is calling me and it's music to my ears.
ok Rebecca.....are you taunting me to write?? LOL......Most actually of my scripts are dramatic love stories. I dont believe there are true love stories without all the drama. I wish it were so simple. I totally understand what you are saying, I can so relate. I believe there are those we love. Those we embrace. And then the our soulmates. Oh how twisted our lives are and our fate. I am in a life relationship with someone I truly love, but I know is not my soulmate. Yet that soulmate, is he yet to be found? and then what of the life I have built?..I must live with the notion I am where I need to be in life. Will it ever happen? Yes, just when. I gave up chasing as well. It will come. And who knows I may have already been there. Such is life.
Oh those damn chick flicks!! LOL
Peace
Jodi
Hmmm... Oscar type love... Chick Flick type love... Nope, don't think I have it, but what I do have is G. He puts up with me. He believes I can do anything I put my mind to (even if I have doubts). He makes sure I have the things I need. He reads, and enjoys my Journal. He takes care of me when I don't feel well, and laughs with me the rest of the time. He annoys me some times, and loves me all the time... even when -I- am annoying... Movie love? No, but I'm happy with it! I think I prefer my type of love... Too much Drama in the Movie Version!!!! <LOL>
http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind
I'm mostly commenting because of one of the questions you asked. I really love how your mind works. Your writing is wonderful.
"But here's a question I have for the people who may come across my journal. Just how many of you have found true all encompassing love?"
I have! Sure, it may not be the most exciting story out there, but we are passionate, nonetheless.
"Is life really like baking cookies without the butter? If your missing the ingredient of love in your life, do you find your cookies just never come out right?"
No. The cookies come out fine, so to speak. It's all a state of mind. I love my husband more than I could love anyone else, I love him with everything I have, but I can live without him. It would be really really hard, but I could do it. It may be because of my upbringing, but I refuse to rely on a man for happiness. I love myself. It's the best kind of love to have.
But I will say that love sure is great. I don't want to live without it. As for all encompassing love, well, perhaps life truly isn't as cinematic as the movies we watch. But it's around us everyday. Two old people sitting on a bench, holding hands, feeding the birds. Oh yeah, that's love. That's real. And it's better than anything ever written. :D
And you, I'm sure, will find the kind of love that would put any chick flick to shame.
Oh, Rebecca - you're getting cynical in your old age (smile!) I heard Nicholas Sparks speak at the local book festival last year - that is to say I walked by as he was addressing a large audience of adoring women. Polished, casually but expensively dressed, he introduced his brother who looked very similar and who was the model for a book he was writing. Yeuchh - he was too polished, too perfect, and never ever will I read one of his books!! My grandmother's cousin wrote romantic novels set in the English countryside - made a good living at it, but none of the rest of us ever took her work very seriously, I fear!
As for true love - look at that one particular moment in "Million Dollar Baby" - not romantic love, yet aahhh. Deep perfect love exists in moments, I believe. Moments that are surrounded by imperfect but alive love. As for me, maybe one day... But maybe I am also getting a little long in the tooth?? Still, if Clint were ever available again, maybe then...
Vicky
http://www.livejournal.com/~vxv789/
You go, girl! Get your romance on!!! I don't know if there is such a thing as "true and all encompassing love." All I know is my hubby is my bestfriend and he can make me laugh even at my most depressing days. We were friends long before we got married and we tell each each other everything. We do not hold off our feelings whether they are good or bad. Maybe because we both know that letting our feelings out will not make a difference in how we value each other. We have our ups and downs but we often choose to remember the good times and laugh about the bad times in retrospection. Praying that you will meet someone who will treasure you for who you are and make all your wishes come true! Hugs!!!
I think it is all about not expecting too much. If we expected the love of our life to be the James Garner type (in the movie) none of us would ever find it. I loved that movie....if only it were not a fantasy. Is this the same guy who wrote The Bridges of Madison Co? See, I never understood why she did not go after Clint Eastwood (I never remember the characters name)when her man died? Someone explain that to me?
I had given up on the hope of ever being loved, and then a gentle hand reached out of the past and stroked my cheek and guided me to a place of safety. I am profoundly grateful and happy. I wish you love and great happiness. judi
It is so ironic or coincidental that you just watched that movie. I wanted to go see it at the movies so bad, never did, now it is on DVD and I haven't seen it yet either. Just yesterday at my friends house I picked up a book to read, since I haven't had one in a while, called "The Wedding". I didn't know it at the time but it is the follow up from "The Notebook". Already it has gotten my heart turning and yearning for the romance my life lacks and the passion I wish to feel. The questions you raise are good questions. The answers though may always elude us I am afraid. My thoughts, my feelings on this are exspansive and deep and maybe my own journal entry.
I have found true love with my wife. As for "all encompassing"...well...I don't know that I would go that far. True love and all encompassing love are not necessarily the same thing. I'm not saying that there is no such thing as a "true all encompassing love." I'm just saying that given human nature that it doesn't happen very often. In fact, to quote many a romance novel, it may only happen "once in a lifetime." I just want to know who's lifetime.
All I know is that I do fall more in love with my wife each passing year. Just when I think it couldn't possibly get any better it does. Maybe we're working our way up to all encompassing. Maybe that's the way it's suppose to be. I have never and will never want for another. I truly believe that we were meant to be together.
...my favorite chick flick is "You've Got Mail"...Terry
What a great entry.
I love how you keep going on about the perfect love, and about chick flicks. I have had many a conversation about these subjects! lol.
Have you ever seen, Love Actually. You should rent it. It's so very goood!
not entirely a chick flik, it's honest and funny.
Great stuff.
thanks for sharing your what's on your mind tonight. And I love how your not going to give up on love. many people do....
Enjoyed your write. I do concur with lots of what you've said. However, being a male who devotes a huge portion of his life to "pleasing" his woman I understand
the thought process in those "Chick Flicks". They do serve a purpose for those who view them. They seem to hold a standard, real or created which pleases. Sort of a "feel good" mental trip. I live such a trip most of the time and have been accused of creating problems for other men who don't. It is difficult to put into words the full feeling I get when cookig for her, washing her hair or any number of other simple yet truly tantelizing emotional activities. Loving someone fully allows a level of freedom which removes mental shackles. It comforts the psyche and empowers you. The let down now is that she has been seriously ill for a while and I suffer those painful yearns and longings. As a result I write my "Chick flicks" in poetic form. They speak of not only the love but the times we once had. They allow me to wallow in the preciousness of a full relationship we once had.
Anyway, you go on and see your occassional "Chick Flick" and I'll continue to write. Love reading thru your mind. (Smile)
Spencer
http://journals.aol.com/yeolecontractor/SpencersPlace/
Yes, we who write do expect things that have no chance of ever becoming reality. Self sabotage. I've read almost everything Nicolas Sparks has written (that in itself is out of my character, I usually try to steer clear of stories with all that romance), he has a way of sucking you in. And then you cry and cry and cry. i do have to say that the movie, while not entirely true to the written story, had quite the same affect on me that the book did. I'm sobbing with you.
Tammy
On a recent flight from Ft Lauderdale to L.A. ..I made the unwise decision to order the movie "The Notebook".....it was splendid.....just felt fairly rediculous trying to disguise my tears at 35,000 feet!
You raise many issues with your thought provoking entry......I will try to focus in on "all emcompassing love"....... yes, it exists...for some......but for the majority, who will not reliquish certain elements of themselves (in order to maintain something unique about themself)..it cannot exist.
When elements of a opposite nature become intimate, they surrender much of what they are....like when fire becomes intimate with water......they each extinguish each other..and take on a new form.
There is more........Peace Marc :)
wow, what a read. the strings of my heart feel as if harpo marx were strumming them. i had a similar moving experience with the movie deliverance. when ned beatty has to squeal like a pig, i thought i was going to cry outloud. well maybe that is not the same but it made me fell something i had never felt before.
http://journals.aol.com/otto9613944/SillyCerebralMe
I think the real pull of "chick flicks" is the fantasy love. Not that love doesn't, or can't, exist, but rather that love in reality is messy as well as an ongoing exercize to keep it alive. Yes, the movies touch the emotional soft spots and elicit feeling, but it comes too easy. In real life hurts last longer and pain more deeply. Trust isn't so easily won or so clearly seen as to whether it should be given or not. Writers have the unique ability to pin point the emotional scenarios and elicit feeling. Real life is not nearly as neat and tidy. Fictionalized love can "give all and be all", In real life we often put too many demands on love and it gets smashed from the pressure. Paulette
I usually don't watch too many chick flicks as I have to shame my soulmate into watching or I watch alone. After a failed marriage, a failed "relationship" of which I thought was my soulmate I took a break from dating and tried to get my act together. Figure out who I was and why I always sought out men who were so screwed up that I thought it was my job to fix them. .. very self serving on my part. Then I found my husband he is a guy I had know from high school 20 years prior. He had to put up with me behaving so badly ... I was afraid he'd find out the real me and leave me. He never did and after 10 years we grow closer every single day. It's sort a like the writer's write it...but it's like this...it's a knowing, it's a confidence that this other human being knows you (ugly days and all), wants what best for you, and will never ever do anything to harm you. Real love is very very messy but it's so beautiful and wonderful when it's real...rose
i read that book - The Notebook- last year- a week after my grandmother passed of alzheimers... I know films are always different so I dont know how closely the book was followed...i could see from the trailer, it appeared to have that full blown passionate heated love...the book was more of a gentle love that endured. it was sad. the book that is. BUT THE ENDING REALLY DISAPPOINTED ME ! the wife was in her final stages of the disease and literally the last page ended with him making love to her in the nursing home....VERY NOT Beleivable.
Tonight I have made a date with myself to watch Cold Mountain. I had one of those days...the girls drove me crazy ( at the mall ) dinner was stressful and the husband doesnt get home until thier bed time-
but to touch quickly on your other point of this entry.... I spent 5 years in a relationship with my oldest daughters father....it was lacking the lusterous' love- or, any love , for that matter. My "cookies" seemed to always be missing something. I created this 'fantasy' love in my head and in my journal...always searching....always wanting,..always believing.....( i had him once and lost him ).....FINALLY i got him back- literally. It took 12 years, but he truly is everything i wrote about , the love I so longed for....and yes he makes me coffee every morning....drives out all hours of the night if i need something....kneels down at my bedside when i am in pain....loves my daughter, made vows on his knees to her at our wedding, blessed me with a 2nd daughter....and our love endures. ...dont be fooled....we argue....we disagree.... and sometimes he really makes me mad......but our love can overcome all obstacles.
Ok i said too much- sorry for taking up your space
I`m probably in the minority of guys, who actually enjoy the occasional chick flick(i hope that doesn`t come across as chauvinistic, it is not intended to). I thought The Notebook was a decent movie, but it was a bit cookie cutter in content, my personal suggestion in that genre if you haven`t already seen it is Love Actually. It shows many various aspects of love, from all different angles, and i found myself able to relate with nearly all of them at some point or other.
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