Aye Captain

Aye Captain, we're going down by the head and there's no land ahoy!
She looks pretty sweet over there doesn't she~~>     Don't be deceived, this is a potential teen :o)

       It's started. I've been mentally preparing myself for this for 12 years, and 11 months. But tonight was my first taste of the urban legend, dare I say it, teenage daughter. Sure, there have been subtle hints, and not so subtle ummm growth hints, but so far, the coast has been clear. What I have on my hands is a 5ft 4inch, 96 lb,  size one women's clothes, blonde hair, blue eyed, and unmentionable other stats, 12 year old who has cleared the looks of a 15 year old. Have mercy!
      
       Let me explain.
      
       After school, 12 11/12 says to me, "Mom, I have a dance next week, I'm dying to go is that all right?" <She casts the bait>
    
         Gullible fish Mom <thats me> "Sure sweetie, <thinks a microsecond> This isn't a date kinda dance is it?"
      
       12 11/12, "Oh no Mom, I'm going with all the girls. I got mostly A's on my report card, I thought this would be a good treat for me." <she sets the hook>
    
         Hooked Mom <thats me> "Sure darlin, I see no problem with that." 
      
       12 11/12 "Great, I knew you were such an awesome Mom <Thats an extra yank to make sure the hook set is good> , it's semiformal, can we go look at dresses and shoes tonight?"
      
       Like a fish thats been hooked, Mom <thats me> starts to swim as fast as she can the other direction, but it's too late, she's already hooked firmly in the jaw, she attempted some spectacular jumps, twists, but it was too late. She was halfway in the net.

       The stuff nightmares are made of.............
The Mall

       12 11/12 "Oh Mom, isn't this beautiful?!!" <Smiles and worship overcome her demeanor>

       High Alert Mom <thats me> "Well, it's a pretty color, but there doesn't seem to be much to it." This Mom is no fool, she knows choosing her words carefully is critical. One wrong step and she could sound like her own MOTHER, the very thing she vowed she would never do when it came to clothes!

       Enter stage left. Bona fide teenager working part-time job. Belly bared to show everybit of non-stretched skin, perky everywhere and just soo damn helpful!

       Bona fide teen, "Oh that dress is just perfect! You must try it on! Oh and this one and this one and this one!" She pauses, takes a look of assessment of me, decides I must have enough of a wallet, and carouses through another rack of more spendy styles.

       Panicked Mother < yes thats me> sits down with younger daughter on bench to await the procession of absolutely inappropriate dresses Thing 1 and Thing 2 have picked out. First one, strapless, sparkly blue, short short, did I mention SHORT? I can feel the sweat beading on my forehead.
      
       12 11/12 "Oh Mom isn't this just beautiful" <Insert whimsical voice here>
       Bona fide teen "Oh you look just beautiful, it clings in all the right places! But you'll probably want to wear a G-string with this one because I can see your underwear lines"

       Stricken Mom <thats me> " How about we try another one on, you never end up with the first dress you try on" I mentally wonder if they are on to my ploy.

       Second dress, shimmering blue, tiny little spaghetti straps, again, can I mention short, huge low dip in the front, can we say cleavage shots? The Mom <thats me> pulls her hair off her neck, it seems the room is getting really warm.

       12 11/12 "Oh, I like this one too!"  Does a few spins for the audience <Thats Me, the younger daughter who I might add is gushing about how lovely that dress is, and the bonifide teen>
       Bona fide teen "I don't know, I think you looked much more sexy in the other dress"

       Horrified Mom <thats me> " I don't really think 'sexy" is the look we should be going for here" The tone came down to a subtle threatening tone. 
      
       Bona fide teen looks at 12 11/12 and <I'm not making this stuff up> rolls her eyes. It suddenly felt like an Indiana Jones movie where the walls are moving in to kill them off, with sharp blades sticking out just to make sure the job is done correctly. 
      
       12 11/12 moves into dressing room to prepare to shock and appall the Mother. The flabbergasted Mother <thats me> moves in close enough to see there are no gray hairs on this little bona fide tarts head of hair.

       Authoritarian Mom <ya thats me> "Look, I have no desire for my 12 year old daughter to look sexy, nor is she going to be buying a G-string, so lets get this straight before she gets back out here, you better find her something that covers it all up, or no commission for you, got it?"
      
       Bona fide Teen, "Oh, I figured she was at least 16 or so, I had no idea."
      
       The next dress to come forth the Mother <trying to be crafty> bribed the younger daughter to tell her sister it looks awful. A 12 11/12 will listen to 9 year old, not Moms tastes and comments.
      
       Third dress, yikes <axed from the mix via 9 year olds comments, she quickly collects her quarter before the 4th dress> , fourth dress, oh gawd no, 5th dress, why won't anyone show dear old Mom <me> mercy, and so on.............. The 12 11/12 is set on the first dress, remember? The 'Oh not in this lifetime little girl are you walking out of my house in that nonexistent thing!' Oh, thats what the Mother was thinking by the way, ya, thats me.

       So it came down to actual tears. Tears! I cannot believe the time has arrived. We walked out of that store like this. Nine year old merrily skipping towards the gumball machine with her bribery funds and two frustrated souls following.     

         The 12 11/12 dragging feet slow as molasses running down a tree, wistfully glancing back at the bona fide teen holding the beautiful dress that stole her heart. She will never be the same, I've already ruined her. Silent tears of  deprived fashion roll down her crushed face. 

       
       The Mother <again me> , who has barely survived the entire traumatic experience, appalled that she just performed a speech she thought she would have been able to skirt around this evening. The old "I sound like my Mother once did" adieu. Cursing those "other Mothers who supposedly let their daughters wear such items" And feeling sad because she knows how disappointed the 12 11/12 is. But the Mother <yes thats me, crusher of dreams> kept tossing pails of water out the boat all night, survivor of the decency clause......

      But one thing sunk into the depths tonight. My "awesome Mother" status suffered a sinking blow, I think Shelby <playing the part  of 12 11/12>  may have tossed that cool label off into the oblivion with an anchor firmly attached.

What, oh what to do. Anyone have a lifevest for this boat?
Captain the ship sank tonight
Score Mother, one, daughter, zip
End saga Teenage daughter Scene 1