MSTI

 I know that this is but a new experience for me, but today I was exposed to an environment that was not only moving but amazing. Today was my Mothers first radiation treatment. Since neither of us really have any real expectations of how all of this works, I previously promised I would take her too all radiation appointments.
        All part of my need to provide some sort of support during a quite helpless situation for the "outsider" I.E. me, the person not having a breast removed, the person walking around cancer free, the daughter who still wonders what kind of profound "thing" she can do to take away her Mothers pain and fears.
       I had never been to the cancer treatment center here, obviously, never needed too. I don't know if we have some sort of divine center here, or it's like this in other cities. This place is amazing. On an visual level, it is beautiful. Waterfalls inside, beautiful pictures, no one wants for entertainment. TV's, puzzle tables, massage chairs, games for children, games for adults. No hospital smell, candles burning from here and there. Snack foods here and there, drinks of all sorts for anyone to partake in. Plants growing, green everywhere. And not one fish tank! <Fish tank= sure sign your in a hospital or dentist office> Once I had my mother safely removed from my presence for her treatment I begin to wander around, explore.
       What struck me the deepest was the chemo area. A wide open room with extremely comfy looking reclining chairs and all medical type devices subtly hidden in some manner. The room was almost full, with men, and women hooked up to machines receiving their chemo, all together. Most of them chatting, talking, one man looked to be sleeping. The array of hats, bandanna's, wig's was a plethora of colors and patterns. The empathy and emotion I felt while silently walking among these amazing people gripped my heart. I smiled to several of them. I knew I probably shouldn't be in there, but something pulled me and so I walked.
       A woman quietly said "hello" to me, she probably felt obligated since I smiled at her, and I said 'hello' back. Suddenly the words came out of my mouth before I took that split second I should have and asked "How are you?" Take foot, place in mouth. In the next full second I berated myself for asking such a stupid thing to someone laying in a chair being pumped full of god knows what. She smiled, chuckled and said "Well sweetie, this is a great day actually, last time I hope to ever sit in this chair."  We engaged in conversation long enough that I lost track of time. She was amazing. Her perspective, her voice, her smile, her actual words of encouragement for not only myself, but my mother.
       Thats where my mother found me. I put my arm across my Mothers shoulders and we continued to talk for a bit more. It felt so awkward to leave this woman. I wanted to hug her, tell her she made my day, made an impression on my heart. I simply thanked her for her words of encouragement, told her I thought she was very brave and wished her a wonderful holiday season.
       It was about an hour later, after I had dropped my mother off at home that I realized I never asked this woman her name. Instantly crushed. All day long I have been bothered by this. How could I stand there, talking about things like cancer, sickness, hope and attitude and yet, never ask her a name?
       So to the woman who made a difference in my day, I thank you, whoever you were. I doubt I'll ever forget our talk, your smile, your voice and your American Flag bandana!