December: 12th month in a calendar year, time of family, decorations, garland, presents, spirit, the end to another year and so much more. It is also the month out of the year I spend reflecting on what I accomplished, events that happened, where I've come from during those 12 months.
I did away with New Years Resolutions a while ago. Somewhere along the line I figured out that wasn't an avenue in which I responded too in a positive manner. Instead I spend the end of my year summarizing my accomplishments, looking at lessons learned and laying the past to experience. So for the next month I will review the things that effected me most this year, explore if you may, meaning and lessons. This year particularly has been a learning experience.
Life it's self has been a theme this year, whether I wanted it too or not. I've now witnessed what having cancer in someone's body does, the effects it has on family and friends. I've had a family member die of cancer and seen how unforgiving and viciously it can take someone. I've helped a friend out of an abusive situation that turned deadly, where helplessness and lessons learned on my part will be something I will forever carry on my shoulders. I witnessed the vicious vehicle wreck, of my own parents and still am haunted by that 45 seconds in my life. I've been with a friend who had life growing inside her and had it taken away in mere hours. I've also seen life give so many chances, the same friend who was only left with one avenue for life received the gift of life again and is now weeks away from giving it. I myself have done the infamous death defying drowning stunt in a river, which to a flyfisherman is your ultimate fear of wading.
Appreciation comes from things felt to the core and everyone one of these things had a profound effect on me. It's the month where I gather up all these experiences, sort through them, try to find meaning and understanding, they deserve more then just falling into the category of "ya it happened to me once, it added drama to life then, but I'm over it." I guess I feel that if I reduce these moments in my life to just a chapter in a book closed without a second thought, then what have I learned? Maybe I need to give each of these moments in my life a measure of signifigance so that I won't forget. I can go back re-read, re-experience, re-feel these things. So, on to my month of reflection, my time honored tradition that is mine and mine alone.................
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6 comments:
Wow!!! This entry truly reflects the meaning of your totem…stamina. Your fortitude is admirable!
Hi..thanks for your kind comments on my journal. You seem to have had quite a year and not all good. It probably would do you good to review and write about all these events, just for your own clarity. That's the reason I went back on my journal, to review all the moments I remember about someone & my life that is no longer....I've found that it has helped me put things into perspective and I've found joy in alot of the memories.....hope it helps you too....Sandi..http://journals.aol.com/sdoscher458/IJustHadToLaugh
That was very nice of you to engage my journal like that Rebecca. Also, I thought it worth mentioning that it is a great idea that you give those landmark moments significant meaning. Much like remembering landmarks as you find your way in the wilderness. Without them, you could very easily lose your way!
Scott
Just clicked on your journal from another journal...glad I did. Some journals are simply not interesting...yours is not one of those ;-)
It is a wonderful thing that you did for your friend. I know from experience that most people would not do what you had done. I lived in that sort of relationship for 7 years. Always blaming myself for whatever was done to me. Was it love? At first on my part yes it was... later.. no... On his part it was always being able to control someone. That is all. I believe there was never any love there on his part at all.
The sad part is that so many people knew... my friends, his family, some of my family, yet they just looked the other way. I had to muster the courage myself and make up my mind that I did not want to live my life that way and I did not want my children to be raised that way. Eventualy I did leave. The divorce was bitter and emotional and reliving everything in my mind was just as painful as when it happened. The other part was those friends and family members who knew saying they never saw anything, that hurt just as much as the pain he caused me. To this day I still can not look at him in the face. And those so called friends are long gone. As for my family members who knew... I have forgiven and the mending is still taking place.
God Bless
Carol
Growth is a process of death and rebirth. Your birthday being around this time of year gives you a sense of the old and the new in transition, coupled with the rest of the world's fascination with "New" Years. In an endless cycle, we celbrate the passage of time, the completion of some things and the beginnings of others. Your growth is obvious, from the beginning of your journal, as an admirable struggle to master the many experiences and talents that have gone into the shaping of the Iris, from its humble beginning to its first tentative shoots and on to the full growth that gives definition to what was once merely anither tangle in the garden. Endings and beginnings, branches and leaves, flowers that bloom and fade, to be replaced by new buds. Ah, life, the mystery and the mundane. You've grasped these extremes by the horns...what a ride!
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