It's been so long that my family on the whole has slipped under the radar, no family tragedies, no sickness, just plain and simple life. Yet, this last month that safe world came to a crashing halt. First my Uncle Don, lung cancer and cancer just about everywhere else, dead 3 weeks after diagnosis. Then Aunt Janis, breast cancer, one masectomy, and incrediably sick right now with chemo. Then my Mother, breast cancer, one masectomy and then the news this morning, didn't get enough, they only got within 1mm of the cancer.....expected distance is one centimeter, so off to another surgery we go. Then a secret only told to my Mother and I, another Aunt Dororty, breast cancer, surgery next week. She thinks the family is under too much stress to add her new burden. Is this unreal?? Is this really for real?? We had our "three" enough already. A fourth just isn't necessary . I went from going to the doctors office and checking the :NO: box for history of cancer to next time I go The :yes: box, lots of it. Now is seems at the ripe age of 32 I've been advised to start yearly mammograms. Something in the water they all drank this year? Who the hell knows, just alarmingly ironic. I don't know just how many of these "freezes beautifully dishes" I can come up with. If anyone knows a great "she's too sick to cook" recipe please pass it on! The holidays are coming and all these beautiful women are worried about how they will pull off their favorite time of the year. I imagine I will be decorating a whole lot of houses. One of the interesting aspects of this entire situation has been watching the reaction of all the men. It's been a bit of a huge wake up call to my Father and my Uncles. I have to say I believe they are looking at their wives with a whole new appreciation. It's hard to see them all scared, not sure what to do, much like how I feel.
The more that is placed in our laps the more my issues with God and religion have surfaced. I plan on attending Church again on Sunday, see if that divine moment when all that everyone else seems to be in on, clicks with me. I still haven't been able to bring myself to pray, but there's something there, something to be discussed and mused upon. I appreciate the prayers and good thoughts from all whom know me. I know because of my asking, there are alot of people out there praying for my family and I do take comfort in that. I appreciate the letters that have been arriving at my home from people I don't even know. There's such a beautiful something surrounding everyone in the "club" of God and I do admire it. I've just yet to figure out where in I fit. But I will continue to try, continue to explore and attempt to open myself up to the possibilities.
6 comments:
I hope you find some peace in church again. I will pray for your family. It seems like so much is happening to your family. It's so sad and stressful and I'm sure that having someone to talk to and unload on will help. I went to Catholic schools all my life, but for the past 20 years I have not stepped inside a church. I feel as though I lead a Christian life and I believe in God and I want to want to go to church again, but I'm not there yet. I do remember everything about it. I remember every prayer, every song, every smell inside. I would just like to go and sit inside a church again--not necessarily listen to a mass--just sit inside and feel peace...
Thanks for commenting on my blog and posting your link. My mom died on Easter morning after a four year battle with ovarian cancer. While her death was beautiful (I know -- I would have thought that to be insane, too... before...), I miss her horribly and I dread Christmas when she won't be here to continue the Bavarian holiday tradition.
Is there anything I can do to help??
I hope I'm doing this link thing right!
http://journals.aol.com/playnlearn56/LadybugsBlog/
We've had a stressful year too, I pray you and your family find some peace as well.
~JerseyGirl
http://journals.aol.com/cneinhorn/WonderGirl
Hey! Thanks for being my 2000 hit!! I'm so sorry. I know how it is. Its like, everything happens at once. But just keep your head up, and take care!!!
~Jackie~
Thanks for your comment. And the positive. I love your journal. I can relate to the Cancer issue. As I had a grandmother who passed 11yrs ago, my father 10 yrs ago and my mother a survivor(two partial masectomies later) of breast cancer, and myself, diagnosed when I was 6 months pregnant with number 3(I have 4!) with precancer(???)of the cervix. So far so good :)
Anywho, your words of encouragement brightened my day! Thank you! Sometimes it just takes a little swift kick in the posterior to snap me out of it! Have a great day!!! I will visit often!
I am desolated, as the French would say (je sui desolee, it says so much more than I'm sorry, which get overused about a billion times a day!), by your troubles. God has a plan, but we are not always privy to it, and sometimes stand in shock at the callous unfairness of it all. Praying is our way of coping with the enormity of things beyond or control and/or comprehension. The work it does is in our acceptance of those things, not as inevitable, but as a part of the fabric of life. This too shall pass, whether for good or not; our best is in the remembrance of those who helped shape us and to pass on to the next generation what we took from the preceding. Bruce
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