To Create: The art of simply writing: Honesty. Sometimes without regard to those who could benefit, or to those who could be hurt. Thats the problem with writing. Thats the problem with the written word, being a relic, being concrete, tis neither black or white. It is what it is. To be dissected, analyzed, interpeted. Taken out of context, or to be understood or misunderstood. Delete at the touch of a button, or a burning party. How many of us have participated in a burning party? All the concrete reminders gone, reduced as they should to ashes. But the memories, no way to delete those, no way to burn those away. A lifetime of memories to be discussed, looked at, reflected upon. No hiding from them. No delete button there. All there inside my head where the walls are black and the roof is red.
I guess I've found myself in a "middle of the ground" area. A crossroads of sorts. Not sure which path to follow. Which direction would have the least regret. Sometimes the safety in standing still is a humble motion, but. also a cowardly one.
So for now, I'll just keep writing. Discovering, exploring and avoid that delete button.
8 comments:
For the longest while, my biggest fear was that my husband would discover my journal. I've always insisted that I simply READ journals and not write one because he is the type of person who doesn't understand the importance (at least to me) of expressing myself in a forum such as this. He'd consider it "telling the whole wide world our business." So I lived in this fear because I knew that the bulk of my writing is complaining about him. I have never mentioned his name and rarely refer to any of my children by name either. Well one day when I got into an argument with my olderst daughter, and because she is really angry at me she shouts in front of my husband, "Well, why don't you just go and write about it in that journal of yours. All you do is complain about how much you hate your life." I was stunned. I had NO idea she had been secretly reading my journal from day one. This felt like such an enormous violation to me---not that she was reading it, but that she was SECRETLY reading it and not letting on that she was. I thought my husband would have a fit, since he has a fit over everything, but he really didn't care at all. For a while I made my journal private just to teach my daughter a lesson. But here's the thing. All she saw was that I hated my life and since she actually KNOWS me, that really hit me hard since I do not hate my life at all---I just tend to write when I'm angry about something or passionate about something. I truly am a believer that most people do not want to read about how freaking wonderful your life is anyway. If I see entry after entry of bliss I am suspicious. Anyway, I learned I can't control how others perceive me. I simply write what's in my heart and know that can't be wrong.
YES! Simple, honest, from-the-heart writing! You nailed it! That's why I am not sharing my journal with anyone I know IRL, but hope to meet some people here who will get to know the truest, most honest me there is...
amazing writing, so true and well said.
~JerseyGirl
http://journals.aol.com/cneinhorn/WonderGirl
An interesting post, and even more interesting comments. Great start!
HI... my name's Diane... I've decided to read your journal entries from start to present, if you don't mind... I learned about your journal from Monae's latest "Dear Diary" journal entries... she mentions lots of other people's journals from time to time, but none that I've ever felt compelled to visit on a regular basis... But to start reading your latest entries without reading all of your past ones, makes me feel like I'm jumping into a book in the middle of it, and that just full on bothers me... so, I'm starting from scratch, or close to ;O) ... I'll be leaving you some responses from time to time, if you don't mind, and I realize that these early entries were written like 2 1/2 years ago and may not necessarily apply to your present day thoughts and feelings... but I'd like to address them nonetheless. If you don't want me to read them, or respond to them, you can let me know by emailing me at loststream@yahoo.com ... to tell me to "shutty-shutty - it" anytime! ... Since, I only have limited computer time access lately, it may take me a few days, or weeks, to get to your present day entries... Nevertheless, I'm embarking on this journal journey of yours with excitement, anticipation, and lots of curiousity :o)
I decided to come and read your first post. Dorn had her Three year anniversary with her blog, and she had hers linked to her most recent post.
I'm sure if we all could burn memories, we'd all have at least one that we would incinerate.
You know, I wish I was around when AOL Journals first launched.
Hi Rebecca Anne,
Thanks so much for visiting and leaving a comment for me. It is such a thrill for me. I have a private journal, but never had the nerve to start a public one. I read Carpe Diem and Dawn encouraged me to give it a try. I love writing, struggle to be honest with even myself, but keep trying. The truth lives deep within and is never forgotten, just ignored. The memories my soul cries out to burn, helped create the person I have become. They do need to be brought out and examined from time to time to help keep my life in perspective and on the right track. I find that I am constantly at that crossroad, trying to decide which path to take. So far, so good, regrets? Yes. Learning experiences all.
I'd like to read forward from here, although it'll be awhile, I find myself needing to get those pesky details (moving mainly) out of the way first.
Leigh
Your first entry dear friend...I've had so many nostalgic moments lately. I deleted Raven's Lament, then discovered I didn't save it right on disk. Luckily it was restored and moved over to Blogger. It sits there quiet for the moment. I started another journal (Blog is so impersonal it's almost like something that bogs you down in a swamp). I'm still finding my voice there...
I was surprised so many followed me and comment even there....
I almost...almost not quite gave up the ghost of writing in any forum, then I decided there are still chapters being written in my own life, still lessons being learned. Writing is my much needed therapy, my sanity...whether I want to admit it or not.
I don't know what your plans are, if you will continue to journal in another format, Blogger or somewhere else. We already have another connection to each other, another way to stay in touch. I do know your words are powerful, spiritual and inspiring...not just to me either, to more than you realize. Let me know where the path leads dear friend...I'd follow you anywhere.
On the subject of Nostaglia...my mother is back in the picture...not in a good way...so yeah, sometimes it's not so good going back is it?
For now I can be found here: http://deafscreams.blogspot.com/
My new journal name is aptly enough....Scream Quietly...yes, the Raven is still a very much part of me over there, she's just trying to find her voice again....Love you dear friend and miss your words, miss you much. (Hugs)Indigo
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