It felt like a good idea at the moment I hit that delete button . Felt like the correct action. But it now in hindsight, was a reaction deletion. Lost words, thoughts, entries to go back on and reflect upon, gone. I guess no matter. Was still a good time to start over. But suddenly I'm feeling a bit lost. Not sure what to write about. Pondering the risks of an open journal verses the safety of private thoughts and words. Journals. I've written in them since I was old enough to remember. I still go back and read the one I wrote circa age 12 and 13. I believe thats my first "official" journal. All the words of advice I gave myself, the future me. I believe I was trying to lay a path in which to follow. Advice only a youngster could appreciate. Example 1) Don't you dare start smoking or drinking! Example 2) Do really good in school and get the best scholarship to the best schools you can 3) Get married around the age of 25 4) Kids about the age of 28........all things that were forgotten and tossed aside during those turbulent late teen years. My teenage journals, full of pain and confusion. Some of things I wrote during those years shock me even now. My 20 year old journal, full of writings of being pregnant. The 30 pages filled while I was up all night alone in labor. The 25 year old journal, talking about the breaking up of a husband and wife and being alone with two girls. The late 20's journals full of inspiration, talking about love, a love that couldn't be, a love I still have the need to work out, understand, even though I've been in another relationship for years since it's demise. My next journals, full of pain and confusion, trying to understand the relationship I've worked so hard to make work. Writing is the choicest of all relics. Writing keeps me inspired. Writing keeps me thinking and challenging all that is real. Writing is a sometimes gentle reminder and also sometimes the "bitch slap" I need when things seem out of control. I love nothing more then to observe the surface and then begin to pull back the layers and see what can be found. Deletion I have decided was truly a permanent solution to a tempory problem.........
Aol seems to have been kind enough to save my counter though, 194 times for 3 entries, ironic moment to see that still there alive a tickin!
3 comments:
Enjoyed reading your entry very much. I am from Idaho too and your Blog caught my I so from another "Idahodian" welcome to J-land. Blessings! Catherine:) If you would like to visit: http://journals.aol.com/semm23/Reflections
What a great entry! I can relate to the deleting of the journals & looking back of the layers upon layers of the past just to get a big slap in the face or just remembering some of the great moments in life thus far.
TTFN,
Michelle
http://journals.aol.com/amazingtweet/StraightTalk
Next time you get the idea to delete---just hit make it private instead and think about it for a few days. That will give you time to print off entries if you should want to do that. Also, you can also make it public again (I know, I did that for a short while then went public again). I hate to think of all those words gone forever...
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