Absorption

The Truth that lies in between can be the root of dissatisfaction. I know for myself sometimes I wander throughout my days knowing I should be doing something, anything, other then what I'm up too. Some better purpose, something more poignant. Things that are comfortable can sometimes be so confining. At what point do you stand up to the world and make a profound statement, or, possibly, just smile, shrug your shoulders and be happy that things are comfortable and sometimes even stable.

How can you not admire someone who makes the ultimate life change, bravery at it's finest. You hear about the women who quits her corporate job to stay home and make jars of jam that now has made her a millionare. The man who gave up ABC to start XYZ and now paints all day, writes through the night and is never bothered with such things like alarm clocks and contracts.

One of my favorite things to ask people when I am studying what makes them "tick" is .......if tomorrow you woke up and didn't have to go to work, didn't ever have to worry about money again <much like winning the lottery I guess> what exactly would you do with the rest of your life. If you want to find out someone's deep down loves, interests, likes, this is the question to ask. With freedom comes exploration. I've heard answers from Golf all day, sew all day, travel the world, read, write, camping, fishing, the list could go on and on. Some answers involve work, ie start a new business, charity, foundations, those people with the ever present driving force of productivity on a business aspect which is fine if that is what would make you peacefully happy and "whole."

 Of course the absorbtion that goes on within includes all the personal, all that is professional, all that represents me as a mother and in my physical and emotional relationships. Absorbing, enlisting, encoding and managing. What is most important right now, what can wait till next week, what can I accept right now, and what is unacceptable in the long run. As soon as you try to take simple and define it into the classic pro and con grouping, you receive complex and down right irritating solutions. If your not careful it could swallow your thoughts intact.

 Rambling, thats what I'm good at. I'm not unhappy in life, I'm content, and with content comes a yearning for something more. Something I feel down to my core is missing. Maybe it's the love piece of the puzzle, maybe it's the "I'm not sure the job I do daily" is what I was meant to do, I think I have the Mother role down really well. My daughters are amazing, and wonderful, bright and talented, and although they don't live with a typical "mother father married" world they have always seemed happy and well adjusted. So much love is heaped on them from every direction I have no doubt each day they can feel it from me, their dad, my parents, his parents, aunts, uncles, such a big family, all close knit. If I don't control the family to some degree lol I'd never see my girls, they'd be stolen away by some family member every day.

So it's this missing "feeling" I assess from time to time. See if I can find that shining moment of clarity. Much, I assume, like most people who at some level isn't happy with aspects of their lives. Rambling, thats what I'm good at. So ramble it is in words and mind, a play on the mind, a chess game of sorts within oneself. It's what keeps us journal writers ticking....................